As we see pretty much every day, real life is just one long horror movie. Sometimes it’s fun horror, and often it’s just downright repulsive. We sometimes cover real life horror stories as it is, but thought we’d try out a new series reflecting on some from the past week – a round-up if you will. This isn’t necessarily a comprehensive look at all of the world’s horror of the week, but a collection of mostly oddball stories from across the web. With that, let’s jump right in.
The Evil Kid
A worker was doing some drilling on the side of an apartment building 80 feet in the air, only to find a ten-year-old kid cutting his rope with a knife. Fortunately others managed to pull the worker to safety, but this sounds like some real Macaulay Culkin in The Good Son shit.
Metro UK reports, “A spokesman from the local fire service said the boy acted on impulse when the drilling made it difficult for him to hear his cartoons.”
The boy was reportedly given “a good talking to” and the family bought the guy a new rope.
The Cartoon Crazies
A Russian dashcam caught a truckload of people in cartoon character suits (including Mickey Mouse and Spongebob Squarepants) jump a man in an apparent road rage incident. Replace the laughter soundtrack with some atmospheric horror music, and this would be a fairly creepy recording.
Man Publicly Decapitates Himself In Utterly Insane Fashion
A 51-year-old man decapitated himself in the middle of the day in the Bronx by tying a chain from his neck to a pole, and getting in a car and stepping on the gas. Now that’s horrific.
Corpse Used As Facebook Photo Prop
A woman was arrested in Missouri after posing with a corpse for photos on Facebook. Authorities are reportedly searching for a man that also appeared in the photos.
Life Mimics Del Toro’s ‘Mimic’
John Squires reports on bedbugs infesting New York City’s subway system in this iHorror article. As long as they don’t actually mimic humans, I’ll feel a lot more comfortable.
Creep Ejaculates In Coworker’s Coffee
A guy apparently had a crush on his female coworker, so decided to…masturbate into her coffee. It happened in a Minnesota hardware store. Gawker reports:
John R. Lind, 34, told police he came in the woman’s coffee cup twice since February, and finished on her desk another 4 times, using one of her scrunchies to wipe up the mess. Police say Lind told them he knew his actions were “gross and wrong.”
The coworker did eventually notice Lind, catching him at her desk with his hands on his crotch. She told police he turned around and looked at her like “a deer in the headlights.” He tried to cover by telling her he’d just come in to ask her a question, but the gross evidence was damning.
You may think twice about leaving your coffee unattended from now on.
Don’t Worry, That’s Not A Hamster You’re About To Eat
Some people are really afraid of rodents. Others simply don’t want to eat them. Imagine if you ordered a blueberry muffin, and were served…a hamster. It turns out it was just an oddly hamster-shaped muffin, but someone probably freaked out at this at least for a second.
Death At The Home Improvement Store
In something that could have easily come straight out of a Final Destination sequel, a shopper at home improvement store Menards was killed when a pallet of ceramic tile fell off a shelf fifteen feet above his head.
These Giant Snails Will Give You Meningitis
There are giant snails that devour buildings and give people meningitis, and people are collecting and eating them. The USDA is trying to put an end to that. More here.
Albino Cobra Gets Loose in California
A big, venomous albino cobra, whose bite could kill a man within an hour, was loose for several days in a California neighborhood. It was eventually caught after trying to attack its captors. It managed to injure a dog during its time of freedom, but apparently didn’t bite it. How’d you like to walk out of your house and come face to face with one of those?
Beast vs. Robot
Here’s a video of a ram attacking a drone…and its owner. The future of the robot apocalypse may be a bleak one, but it may be the rams we really don’t want to fuck with.
Man Stabbed In The Head During Threesome
A man was allegedly stabbed in the head by his roommate while celebrating his birthday by having sex with two women. The three were apparently making too much noise for the killer’s liking. The Huffington Post has more.
The Curse and the Dog
A woman in India married a dog to ward off a curse (also described as an “evil spell”) that would cause the death of any man she married. I guess dogs are a loophole. The marriage isn’t legally binding, so it’s cool.
Chicken Decapitator Cop
A five-year-old boy had a pet chicken, which he received as a birthday present. According to his mom, it was like a dog to him. Then, a cop came by, beat it to death with a shovel, and decapitated it. He reportedly apologized. To protect and serve, right?
Shrimpzilla: The Shrimp of Nightmares
A Florida fisherman pulled something resembling a giant shrimp demon out of the water. Our own Trey Hilburn III has the story on that.
Spider Invades News Broadcast
Okay, this one sounds more dramatic that it really is, but a spider crawled on the camera lens during a news broadcast, and….eww, spiders!
There’s More Than One Way For Your Dog To Kill You
Sure, there are plenty of stories about vicious dogs attacking people, but how many times have you heard about dogs committing arson? This dog turned on a stove and started a fire. Authorities say the dog’s deed was an accident, but I have my suspicions.
Night of the Giant Crocodile
A Florida couple went swimming in a canal at night, and came face to face with a nine-foot crocodile, which attacked them. Somehow this has never happened in the state before, according to a report. More at Yahoo News.
The Tooth Torture Pervert
In 2012, a man was arrested for allegedly pulling out the teeth of three women while having sex with them. He is said to have removed a total of twelve teeth from the three victims, using pliers. A court has now ruled that the man’s name no longer has to be anonymous. The New Zealand Herald has the story.
Cow Gores Jogger
A cow escaped from a slaughterhouse, and apparently ran like hell toward Oktoberfest in Munich. On its way, it gored a jogger, stabbing its horns into her back.
Slender Man Blamed By Girl Trying To Burn Up Her Family
Slender Man strikes again in this story, which is kind of a cross between the evil kid and the arson dog discussed above. Andrew Peters has the story here at iHorror.
Horror Movie Slasher Gets Prison Sentence
iHorror’s Tina Mockmore tells us about a guy who attacked two others at a screening of The Signal about six years ago. He just had a re-trial and was sentenced to 22 to years to life in prison.
Until next week…
Lead image: Wikimedia Commons