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Snowmen are Stalking Barack Obama!

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Snowmen are stalking Obama. No, this is not the title of a B-movie holiday flick, nor highly bizarre propaganda. Frozen, man-made men are literally peering through the Oval Office window through button eyes, grinning coal grins as black as their souls, and we need to have a discussion.

You’re likely familiar with pediophobia patients: those who can’t calmly step in an antique shop to face a shelf full of porcelain dolls. And coulrophobia sufferers, who often won’t set foot in a circus to dare confront the clowns. But have you ever seen a passerby flinch at Frosty, amidst holiday decor? This is a fear known as hominochionophobia, and HuffPost reports that the POTUS has got the slush-crusted fever. He dished it to People–and that was his fatal mistake.

It’s okay, Barry! He just loves warm hugs!

“There’s a whole kind of Chucky element to them,” he said, with a nod–or a head-shake?–to our favorite Good Guy, mere weeks ago. “They’re a little creepy.”

“A little” was putting it mildly. He later went so far as to threaten to move when Michelle quipped that she’d place a snowman in their bedroom–if only half-jokingly.

While the FLOTUS may have been teasing, the White House staff was about to take their joke far more seriously.

They caught wind of the jolly snow family residing in the Rose Garden, neighboring the Oval Office. “Then we realized the snowmen were too heavy to easily lift,” White House photographer, Pete Souza, posted on Instagram. He exposed the yuletide prank on his profile there, in a play-by-play. “But finally, this morning before the President came to the office, some helpful staff ― I won’t say who ― moved all the snowmen so each one was peeking through a different window into the Oval. This photo was taken this afternoon as the President signed end-of-the-year bills.”

Barack was onto them. This was it. It had all come down to this: the Obama-nible snowman.

It was time to put his black belt in tae kwon do (no, seriously–look it up) to good use.

One can only imagine what happened from there. Surely, he hurtled himself through the window, delivering a swift chop to the icy bastard’s neckline. It decapitated him, leaving a lone orange scarf in his midst. Barack then performed several flips, in styles fit for an Olympian. Perhaps a roundhouse kick, direct to his portly slush gut, was the final blow, or–…or perhaps the president just doubled over in laughter. Either way, we’d like to believe that one of his final acts in office was not solely to protect himself, but his beloved nation, as well.

Merry Christmas, Obama: you live to celebrate another year.

“Next year, Obama. You won’t have the secret service to protect you anymore.”

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‘Strange Darling’ Featuring Kyle Gallner and Willa Fitzgerald Lands Nationwide Release [Watch Clip]

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‘Strange Darling,’ a standout film featuring Kyle Gallner, who is nominated for an iHorror award for his performance in ‘The Passenger,’ and Willa Fitzgerald, has been acquired for a wide theatrical release in the United States by Magenta Light Studios, a new enterprise from veteran producer Bob Yari. This announcement, brought to us by Variety, follows the film’s successful premiere at Fantastic Fest in 2023, where it was universally praised for its creative storytelling and compelling performances, achieving a perfect score of 100% Fresh on Rotten Tomatoes from 14 reviews.

Strange Darling – Movie Clip

Directed by JT Mollner, ‘Strange Darling‘ is a thrilling narrative of a spontaneous hookup that takes an unexpected and terrifying turn. The film is notable for its innovative narrative structure and the exceptional acting of its leads. Mollner, known for his 2016 Sundance entry “Outlaws and Angels,” has once again employed 35mm for this project, cementing his reputation as a filmmaker with a distinct visual and narrative style. He is currently involved in adapting Stephen King’s novel “The Long Walk” in collaboration with director Francis Lawrence.

Bob Yari expressed his enthusiasm for the film’s upcoming release, scheduled for August 23rd, highlighting the unique qualities that make ‘Strange Darling’ a significant addition to the horror genre. “We are thrilled to be bringing nationwide theatrical audiences this unique and exceptional film with terrific performances by Willa Fitzgerald and Kyle Gallner. This second feature from talented writer-director JT Mollner is destined to become a cult classic that defies conventional storytelling,” Yari told Variety.

Variety’s review of the film from Fantastic Fest lauds Mollner’s approach, saying, “Mollner shows himself to be more forward-thinking than most of his genre peers. He’s clearly a student of the game, one who studied his forebears’ lessons with adroitness to better prepare himself to put his own mark on them.” This praise underlines Mollner’s deliberate and thoughtful engagement with the genre, promising audiences a film that is both reflective and innovative.

Strange Darling

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Sydney Sweeney’s ‘Barbarella’ Revival Forges Ahead

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Sydney Sweeney Barbarella

Sydney Sweeney has confirmed the ongoing progress of the much-anticipated reboot of Barbarella. The project, which sees Sweeney not only starring but also executive producing, aims to breathe new life into the iconic character that first captured audiences’ imaginations in the 1960s. However, amid speculation, Sweeney remains tight-lipped about the possible involvement of celebrated director Edgar Wright in the project.

During her appearance on the Happy Sad Confused podcast, Sweeney shared her enthusiasm for the project and the character of Barbarella, stating, “It is. I mean, Barbarella is just such a fun character to explore. She really just embraces her femininity and her sexuality, and I love that. She uses sex as a weapon and I think it’s such an interesting way into a sci-fi world. I’ve always wanted to do sci-fi. So we’ll see what happens.“

Sydney Sweeney confirms her Barbarella reboot is still in the works

Barbarella, originally a creation of Jean-Claude Forest for V Magazine in 1962, was transformed into a cinematic icon by Jane Fonda under the direction of Roger Vardim in 1968. Despite a sequel, Barbarella Goes Down, never seeing the light of day, the character has remained a symbol of sci-fi allure and adventurous spirit.

Over the decades, several high-profile names including Rose McGowan, Halle Berry, and Kate Beckinsale were floated as potential leads for a reboot, with directors Robert Rodriguez and Robert Luketic, and writers Neal Purvis and Robert Wade previously attached to revive the franchise. Unfortunately, none of these iterations made it past the conceptual stage.

Barbarella

The film’s progress took a promising turn approximately eighteen months ago when Sony Pictures announced its decision to cast Sydney Sweeney in the titular role, a move that Sweeney herself has suggested was facilitated by her involvement in Madame Web, also under Sony’s banner. This strategic decision was aimed at fostering a beneficial relationship with the studio, specifically with the Barbarella reboot in mind.

When probed about Edgar Wright’s potential directorial role, Sweeney adeptly sidestepped, merely noting that Wright has become an acquaintance. This has left fans and industry watchers speculating about the extent of his involvement, if any, in the project.

Barbarella is known for its adventurous tales of a young woman traversing the galaxy, engaging in escapades that often incorporate elements of sexuality—a theme Sweeney seems eager to explore. Her commitment to reimagining Barbarella for a new generation, while staying true to the character’s original essence, sounds like the making of a great reboot.

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‘The First Omen’ Almost Received an NC-17 Rating

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Set for an April 5 theater release, ‘The First Omen’ carries an R-rating, a classification that was almost not achieved. Arkasha Stevenson, in her inaugural feature film directorial role, faced a formidable challenge in securing this rating for the prequel to the esteemed franchise. It seems the filmmakers had to contend with the ratings board to prevent the film from being saddled with an NC-17 rating. In a revealing conversation with Fangoria, Stevenson described the ordeal as ‘a long battle’, one not waged over traditional concerns such as gore. Instead, the crux of the controversy centered around the depiction of the female anatomy.

Stevenson’s vision for “The First Omen” delves deep into the theme of dehumanization, particularly through the lens of forced birthing. “The horror in that situation is how dehumanized that woman is”, Stevenson explains, emphasizing the significance of presenting the female body in a non-sexualized light to address themes of forced reproduction authentically. This commitment to realism nearly landed the film an NC-17 rating, sparking a prolonged negotiation with the MPA. “This has been my life for a year and a half, fighting for the shot. It’s the theme of our film. It’s the female body being violated from the inside outwards”, she states, highlighting the importance of the scene to the film’s core message.

The First Omen Movie Poster – by Creepy Duck Design

Producers David Goyer and Keith Levine supported Stevenson’s battle, encountering what they perceived as a double standard in the ratings process. Levine reveals, “We had to go back and forth with the ratings board five times. Weirdly, avoiding the NC-17 made it more intense”, pointing out how the struggle with the ratings board inadvertently intensified the final product. Goyer adds, “There is more permissiveness when dealing with male protagonists, particularly in body horror”, suggesting a gender bias in how body horror is evaluated.

The film’s bold approach to challenging viewers’ perceptions extends beyond the ratings controversy. Co-writer Tim Smith notes the intention to subvert expectations traditionally associated with The Omen franchise, aiming to surprise audiences with a fresh narrative focus. “One of the big things we were excited to do was to kind of pull the rug out from under people’s expectations”, Smith says, underscoring the creative team’s desire to explore new thematic ground.

Nell Tiger Free, known for her role in “Servant”, leads the cast of “The First Omen”, set for release by 20th Century Studios on April 5. The movie follows a young American woman dispatched to Rome for church service, where she stumbles upon a sinister force that shakes her faith to its core and reveals a chilling plot aimed at summoning evil incarnate.

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