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Review: ‘The Barge People’ Is A Merry Murky Mutant Monster Movie

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Due to current events in 2020, many of us sadly had to put the kibosh on our Summer plans. Be it visiting family, attending weddings, or just taking a trip to the country. But if horror movies have taught us anything, Summer sojourns can lead to disaster… or worse. This is the premise of the British back-river horror of The Barge People.

 

The story follows two sisters, Kat (Kate Davies-Speak) and Sophie (Natalie Martins) as they decided to spend a weekend holiday with their respective boyfriends laid back Mark (Mark McKirdy) and the obnoxious businessman, Ben (Matt Swales) in the British countryside. Deciding to rent a barge and take a slow, romantic ride through the canals of the backwoods, the quartet find themselves in conflict with some irate locals… and even more bloodthirsty inhabitants of the polluted waterways.

Image via IMDB

The Barge People is a U.K. horror movie from 2018 but finally hitting Stateside. It’s a low-budget affair to be sure, but it’s a fun one. Watching it, the movie does have an aura of direct to video horror movies and slashers of the 1980’s. Even the title cards and credit sequence flaunt the aesthetic without leaning into it too hard. Even more evident in the synth, tense score from composer Sam Benjafield, which is a high point of the production. The story itself is a definitive throwback to movies like The Hills Have Eyes and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre but with a distinctly British twist and featuring some Lovecraftian fish mutants instead of hillbillies and rednecks.

 

The story is a bit by the numbers and the characters are a bit flat, granted, but The Barge People does deliver in the gore and practical fx departments. Living up to the movies of yesteryear it’s emulating with little to no CGI. Giving an ample amount of sticky red blood plastered across victims and the screen. Then of course are the titular Barge People. Horrifying fish-human hybrids created by toxic and chemical waste polluting the local water routes. Though amphibious, with their trenchcoats and hooks they also give off a bit of a Hellraiser vibe. Unfortunately, none really give off the kind of gravitas or charisma to give us a ‘Pinhead’-esque lead killer, but the FX and designs are fine enough.

Image via IMDB

The Barge People isn’t the most fleshed out horror and probably could have used a little more depth. Like I said, flat characters, and a formulaic plot. But for the gorehounds and people just wanting a fun, simple, creature feature, mutant horror, this is an enjoyable watch. Also plenty of unconnected but mood setting kills of random and passing by victims just to add some extra bodies and guts here and there. Unfortunately, the home video release is rather bare bones. No special features on the DVD/Blu-Ray. Not even a trailer. Just the movie and subtitles. That is it. There is a decent embossed slipcover, but that’s really as much as you get.

 

Still, if you’re in the mood for some mindless, old school, beastly slasher fun with a decent amount of charm, have a pint and take a float with The Barge People.

 

The Barge People hits VOD, DVD, and Blu-Ray on August 18th, 2020.

Image via IMDB

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Editorial

Alleged Former Haunted Museum Staff Member Tattles on Zak Bagans

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Zak Bagans has been getting a bum rap lately thanks to some of his former Ghost Adventures teammates. But he’s also getting roasted by one of his alleged former Haunted Museum employees in Las Vegas

The apparent team member took to Reddit in an AMA (Ask Me Anything), inviting subscribers to ask them about their job including juicy details regarding their famous boss. It resulted in a windfall of queries that came with some surprising answers. 

Bagans was one of the first to take his ghost hunting prowess to television creating a successful reality show that featured some of the world’s most haunted places. Coupled with his good looks, reactive histrionics and penchant for building tension Ghost Adventures became a pop culture phenomenon. 

Throughout his travels, Bagans began to collect cursed items enough to fill a vintage house in Nevada which he eventually repurposed and named The Haunted Museum. Guests are able to visit his collection for a fee and are directed through its many rooms by a tour guide.

The YouTube channel TheSneezingMonkey featured the AMA Reddit thread on his channel with an update to follow.

Since the ex-employee cannot, or won’t, be verified, suffice it to say that nothing revealed in the lengthy discussion should be taken as fact. This could be a disgruntled ex-employee with nothing better to do than talk smack about the television icon who has managed to keep his show on the air for 16 years. Or, some of it could be true.

But that is for you to decide.

The Sneezing Monkey

The Sneezing Monkey

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Movies

Stephen King’s ‘The Monkey’ Sells to Neon, James Wan Co-Producing

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Pretty much any piece of writing from Stephen King is ripe for a movie adaptation. The next one is a 1980 short story that appeared in his 1985 anthology Skeleton Crew, specifically The Monkey. The news broke by Deadline says Neon won the bidding war and the film will release in 2025.

Distributors went gaga trying to secure the rights with Neon the victor reportedly paying seven figures for the horror movie.

According to Deadline: “In The Monkey, when twin brothers Hal and Bill discover their father’s old monkey toy in the attic, a series of gruesome deaths starts occurring all around them. The brothers decide to throw the monkey away and move on with their lives, growing apart over the years. But when the mysterious deaths begin again, the brothers must reunite to find a way to destroy the monkey for good before it takes the lives of everyone close to them. Theo James plays the twins in later years. [Christian] Convery plays the younger twins.”

The film is directed by Osgood (Oz) Perkins whose buzz-drunk current project, Longlegs is releasing on July 12.

The film also stars, Tatiana Maslany (She–Hulk: Attorney at Law), Elijah Wood (The Lord Of The Rings), Colin O’Brien (Wonka), Rohan Campbell (The Hardy Boys) and Sarah Levy (Schitt’s Creek).

James Wan and Michael Clear’s banner Atomic Robot have a production credit.

In 2023 a short film directed by Spencer Sherry was adapted from the King story. That film is currently touring the film festival market but you can watch the trailer below.

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Lists

Yay or Nay: What’s Good and Bad in Horror This Week: 5/13 to 5/17

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Yay

Fall is getting not one but two sequels. It’s great news because now we know bad CGI can be consciously ignored when everything else is so great. 

Yay

A man is labeled a time traveler after allegedly entering a garden shed in his 30s and exiting the next day in his 60s. If the magic is true we can finally go back and talk to Jason Blum right after Paranormal Activity and make him promise to never to touch an Exorcist movie. 

Nay

The Coffee Table. This may be the first time we have suggested spoiling a film before actually seeing it. Wait. Maybe we spoiled Old by suggesting you don’t go see it. 

Nay

Prolific B moviemaker Roger Corman passes away at 98. He gave many actors and directors a chance in Hollywood, some would go on to win major awards. His films were outrageous, often gratuitous but always filled with heart. 

Yay

Clown Motel becomes a trilogy. Cheap Indy horror filmmakers aren’t micromanaged by rich and powerful studio execs so they can have fun with their material, and what better place to exercise that freedom than at a creepy desert motel in Nevada lorded over by hundreds of clowns. 

Nay

A Jason Universe is announced which promises many lateral “activations” in the Friday the 13th universe. Although the definition of said “activations” is never fully explained it leads us to believe it was a typo for “transactions” so Fortnite players scan by a Jason skin wearing a non-IP regulation hockey mask. 

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