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Randy’s Rules Revisited: How to Survive Real Life Killers

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We all know the original cardinal rules of horror movies: you won’t survive if you have sex, you won’t survive if you’re drunk or high, and you most definitely will not survive if you go off to investigate a strange noise. Thanks to Randy Meeks (Scream), fanatics that had taken to screaming, “Don’t do that!” at the screen suddenly had a voice on the screen, verbalizing what they already knew. But it’s easy to tell characters that they should be listening to the kooky old gas station attendant warning them of vaguely ominous danger ahead when we’ve already seen several extras get chopped into tiny pieces by a mad man up the road. Without possessing the omnipotence of the audience, we’re all on equal footing because no one expects to suddenly find themselves in a real life horror movie. That’s a good thing, because the “rules” change from one psychopath to the next, and what kept you safe from Dahmer may not help avoiding death at the hands of The Zodiac Killer. Here’s a look at a few notorious serial killers, and what rules of survival we’ve learned from their terrifying reigns.

Lock Your Doors

richardchase

Richard Chase, aka “The Vampire of Sacramento”, would not enter homes with locked doors, but took unlocked homes to be an invitation to enter. Chase was heavily into the vampire mythology and drank the blood of his victims along with various animals to support his “need.” He had claimed 6 victims before intentionally overdosing in a prison cell.

Sobriety is Safety

dahmer

Jeffrey Dahmer was actually banned from a bath house after drugging one victim all the way to an overdose. He didn’t appreciate his sexual partners’ bad habit of moving during the act, and had taken to lacing liquor with sedatives to get that sexy corpse-like feeling. Obviously the victims didn’t expect to get drugged, raped, murdered, and eaten, but think about it: Dahmer had 17 known victims. 17 people made the mistake of trusting a regular looking dude. Keep that in mind the next time you’re hanging with an attractive new acquaintance and they offer to mix you a cocktail.

Unprotected Sex Will Screw You

ameliadyer

Maybe this one is a tiny bit of a stretch, but Amelia Dyer is thought to have killed as many as 400 babies–maybe more–during her “baby farming” career. Presenting herself as a loving, maternal figure, she took a one time payment from single mothers in desperate situations (single motherhood was sort of a bitch in the 1800s) offering to give their child a safe and loving home. What she actually did was starve or strangle the babies and keep the mother’s payment, pocketing it as purely profit. Many of the mothers that gave Dyer their child had hopes of one day reuniting with their children, which obviously never happened.

Trust No One

marybell

Mary Bell is not technically a serial killer as she only claimed 2 lives, but to be fair, that’s a lot to get done in between Saturday morning cartoons. Bell was 10 years old when she strangled her first victim, a 4 year old. Her second victim was not taken until she reached the ripe old age of 11. We’ve all heard the urban legend about the babysitter receiving strange phone calls from someone inquiring as to whether the babysitter has checked on the children, but what if you don’t want to check on the children because they might be armed?!

Clowns Are Bad and Should Be Avoided

gacyclown

Although John Wayne Gacy didn’t murder people while in his “Pogo the Clown” entertainer personality, he performed many events dressed as a fucking clown and if his victim count (over 30) doesn’t make him a monster, his alter ego does. For all you coulrophiles out there, just kidding! (Psst…everyone else…we know clowns are fucking evil.)

Tourists Are Targets

bikinikiller

Charles Sobhraj, aka “The Bikini Killer” totaled over one dozen victims between 1974-1976. His exact victim count is unknown, though most were Western tourists. Sobhraj killed in several countries, and is currently incarcerated in Nepal.

The Mask Doesn’t Always Come Off

shadowsketch

The Doodler is a still unidentified serial killer who operated in California in the 1970s, picking up victims at gay nightclubs and bars. Earning the nickname from his habit of sketching them before engaging in sexual activities and then murdering them, The Doodler has a victim count of 14. Three other individuals survived the attacks, although their reluctance to “out” themselves as gay meant there was no trial, and the identity of the killer is unknown.

 

 

 

 

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New Poster Reveal For Nicolas Cage’s Survival Creature Feature ‘Arcadian’ [Trailer]

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Nicolas Cage Arcadian

In the latest cinematic venture featuring Nicolas Cage, Arcadian emerges as a compelling creature feature, teeming with suspense, horror, and emotional depth. RLJE Films has recently released a series of new images and a captivating poster, offering audiences a glimpse into the eerie and thrilling world of “Arcadian”. Scheduled to hit theaters on April 12, 2024, the film will later be available on Shudder and AMC+, ensuring a wide audience can experience its gripping narrative.

Arcadian Movie Trailer

The Motion Picture Association (MPA) has given this film an “R” rating for its “bloody images,” hinting at the visceral and intense experience awaiting viewers. The film draws inspiration from acclaimed horror benchmarks like “A Quiet Place,” weaving a post-apocalyptic tale of a father and his two sons navigating a desolate world. Following a catastrophic event that depopulates the planet, the family faces the dual challenge of surviving their dystopian environment and eluding mysterious nocturnal creatures.

Joining Nicolas Cage in this harrowing journey are Jaeden Martell, known for his role in “IT” (2017), Maxwell Jenkins from “Lost in Space,” and Sadie Soverall, featured in “Fate: The Winx Saga.” Directed by Ben Brewer (“The Trust”) and penned by Mike Nilon (“Braven”), “Arcadian” promises a unique blend of poignant storytelling and electrifying survival horror.

Maxwell Jenkins, Nicolas Cage, and Jaeden Martell 

Critics have already begun to praise “Arcadian” for its imaginative monster designs and exhilarating action sequences, with one review from Bloody Disgusting highlighting the film’s balance between emotional coming-of-age elements and heart-pounding horror. Despite sharing thematic elements with similar genre films, “Arcadian” sets itself apart through its creative approach and action-driven plot, promising a cinematic experience filled with mystery, suspense, and relentless thrills.

Arcadian Official Movie Poster

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‘Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 3’ Is a Go with Enhanced Budget and New Characters

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Winnie the Pooh 3

Wow, they’re churning things out fast! The upcoming sequel “Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 3” is officially moving forward, promising an expanded narrative with a larger budget and the introduction of beloved characters from A.A. Milne’s original tales. As confirmed by Variety, the third installment in the horror franchise will welcome Rabbit, the heffalumps, and the woozles into its dark and twisted narrative.

This sequel is a part of an ambitious cinematic universe that reimagines children’s stories as horror tales. Alongside “Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey” and its first sequel, the universe includes films such as “Peter Pan’s Neverland Nightmare”, “Bambi: The Reckoning,” and “Pinocchio Unstrung”. These movies are set to converge in the crossover event “Poohniverse: Monsters Assemble,” slated for a 2025 release.

Winnie the Pooh Poohniverse

The creation of these films was made possible when A.A. Milne’s 1926 children’s book “Winnie-the-Pooh” entered the public domain last year, allowing filmmakers to explore these cherished characters in unprecedented ways. Director Rhys Frake-Waterfield and producer Scott Jeffrey Chambers, of Jagged Edge Productions, have led the charge in this innovative endeavor.

The inclusion of Rabbit, heffalumps, and woozles in the upcoming sequel introduces a new layer to the franchise. In Milne’s original stories, heffalumps are imagined creatures resembling elephants, while woozles are known for their weasel-like characteristics and a penchant for stealing honey. Their roles in the narrative remain to be seen, but their addition promises to enrich the horror universe with deeper connections to the source material.

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How to Watch ‘Late Night with the Devil’ from Home: Dates and Platforms

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Late Night With The Devil

For fans eager to dive into one of this year’s most talked-about horror films from the comfort of their own home, “Late Night with the Devil” will be available for streaming exclusively on Shudder starting April 19, 2024. This announcement has been highly anticipated following the film’s successful theatrical release by IFC Films, which saw it earning rave reviews and a record-breaking opening weekend for the distributor.

“Late Night with the Devil” emerges as a standout horror film, captivating audiences and critics alike, with Stephen King himself offering high praise for the 1977-set film. Starring David Dastmalchian, the movie unfolds on Halloween night during a live late-night talk show broadcast that disastrously unleashes evil across the nation. This found footage-style film not only delivers scares but also authentically captures the aesthetic of the 1970s, drawing viewers into its nightmarish scenario.

David Dastmalchian in Late Night with the Devil

The film’s initial box office success, opening to $2.8 million in 1,034 theaters, underscores its wide appeal and marks the highest opening weekend for an IFC Films release. Critically acclaimed, “Late Night with the Devil” boasts a 96% positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes from 135 reviews, with the consensus praising it for rejuvenating the possession horror genre and showcasing David Dastmalchian’s exceptional performance.

Rotten Tomatoes score as of 3/28/2024

Simon Rother of iHorror.com encapsulates the film’s allure, emphasizing its immersive quality that transports viewers back to the 1970s, making them feel as if they are part of the eerie “Night Owls” Halloween broadcast. Rother lauds the film for its meticulously crafted script and the emotional and shocking journey it takes viewers on, stating, “This whole experience will have viewers of the Cairnes brothers’ film glued to their screen… The script, from beginning to end, is neatly sewn together with an ending that’ll have jaws on the floor.” You can read the full review here.

Rother further encourages audiences to watch the film, highlighting its multifaceted appeal: “Whenever it is made available to you, you must attempt to view the Cairnes Brothers’ latest project as it will make you laugh, it will creep you out, it will amaze you, and it might even strike an emotional cord.”

Set to stream on Shudder on April 19, 2024, “Late Night with the Devil” offers a compelling blend of horror, history, and heart. This film is not just a must-watch for horror aficionados but for anyone looking to be thoroughly entertained and moved by a cinematic experience that redefines the boundaries of its genre.

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