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Randy’s Rules Revisited: How to Survive Real Life Killers

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We all know the original cardinal rules of horror movies: you won’t survive if you have sex, you won’t survive if you’re drunk or high, and you most definitely will not survive if you go off to investigate a strange noise. Thanks to Randy Meeks (Scream), fanatics that had taken to screaming, “Don’t do that!” at the screen suddenly had a voice on the screen, verbalizing what they already knew. But it’s easy to tell characters that they should be listening to the kooky old gas station attendant warning them of vaguely ominous danger ahead when we’ve already seen several extras get chopped into tiny pieces by a mad man up the road. Without possessing the omnipotence of the audience, we’re all on equal footing because no one expects to suddenly find themselves in a real life horror movie. That’s a good thing, because the “rules” change from one psychopath to the next, and what kept you safe from Dahmer may not help avoiding death at the hands of The Zodiac Killer. Here’s a look at a few notorious serial killers, and what rules of survival we’ve learned from their terrifying reigns.

Lock Your Doors

richardchase

Richard Chase, aka “The Vampire of Sacramento”, would not enter homes with locked doors, but took unlocked homes to be an invitation to enter. Chase was heavily into the vampire mythology and drank the blood of his victims along with various animals to support his “need.” He had claimed 6 victims before intentionally overdosing in a prison cell.

Sobriety is Safety

dahmer

Jeffrey Dahmer was actually banned from a bath house after drugging one victim all the way to an overdose. He didn’t appreciate his sexual partners’ bad habit of moving during the act, and had taken to lacing liquor with sedatives to get that sexy corpse-like feeling. Obviously the victims didn’t expect to get drugged, raped, murdered, and eaten, but think about it: Dahmer had 17 known victims. 17 people made the mistake of trusting a regular looking dude. Keep that in mind the next time you’re hanging with an attractive new acquaintance and they offer to mix you a cocktail.

Unprotected Sex Will Screw You

ameliadyer

Maybe this one is a tiny bit of a stretch, but Amelia Dyer is thought to have killed as many as 400 babies–maybe more–during her “baby farming” career. Presenting herself as a loving, maternal figure, she took a one time payment from single mothers in desperate situations (single motherhood was sort of a bitch in the 1800s) offering to give their child a safe and loving home. What she actually did was starve or strangle the babies and keep the mother’s payment, pocketing it as purely profit. Many of the mothers that gave Dyer their child had hopes of one day reuniting with their children, which obviously never happened.

Trust No One

marybell

Mary Bell is not technically a serial killer as she only claimed 2 lives, but to be fair, that’s a lot to get done in between Saturday morning cartoons. Bell was 10 years old when she strangled her first victim, a 4 year old. Her second victim was not taken until she reached the ripe old age of 11. We’ve all heard the urban legend about the babysitter receiving strange phone calls from someone inquiring as to whether the babysitter has checked on the children, but what if you don’t want to check on the children because they might be armed?!

Clowns Are Bad and Should Be Avoided

gacyclown

Although John Wayne Gacy didn’t murder people while in his “Pogo the Clown” entertainer personality, he performed many events dressed as a fucking clown and if his victim count (over 30) doesn’t make him a monster, his alter ego does. For all you coulrophiles out there, just kidding! (Psst…everyone else…we know clowns are fucking evil.)

Tourists Are Targets

bikinikiller

Charles Sobhraj, aka “The Bikini Killer” totaled over one dozen victims between 1974-1976. His exact victim count is unknown, though most were Western tourists. Sobhraj killed in several countries, and is currently incarcerated in Nepal.

The Mask Doesn’t Always Come Off

shadowsketch

The Doodler is a still unidentified serial killer who operated in California in the 1970s, picking up victims at gay nightclubs and bars. Earning the nickname from his habit of sketching them before engaging in sexual activities and then murdering them, The Doodler has a victim count of 14. Three other individuals survived the attacks, although their reluctance to “out” themselves as gay meant there was no trial, and the identity of the killer is unknown.

 

 

 

 

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The Original ‘Beetlejuice’ Sequel Had an Interesting Location

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beetlejuice in Hawaii Movie

Back in the late ’80s and early ’90s sequels to hit movies weren’t as linear as they are today. It was more like “let’s re-do the situation but in a different location.” Remember Speed 2, or National Lampoon’s European Vacation? Even Aliens, as good as it is, follows a lot of the plot points of the original; people stuck on a ship, an android, a little girl in peril instead of a cat. So it makes sense that one of the most popular supernatural comedies of all time, Beetlejuice would follow the same pattern.

In 1991 Tim Burton was interested in doing a sequel to his 1988 original, it was called Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian:

“The Deetz family moves to Hawaii to develop a resort. Construction begins, and it’s quickly discovered that the hotel will be sitting on top of an ancient burial ground. Beetlejuice comes in to save the day.”

Burton liked the script but wanted some re-writes so he asked then-hot screenwriter Daniel Waters who had just got done contributing to Heathers. He passed on the opportunity so producer David Geffen offered it to Troop Beverly Hills scribe Pamela Norris to no avail.

Eventually, Warner Bros. asked Kevin Smith to punch up Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, he scoffed at the idea, saying, “Didn’t we say all we needed to say in the first Beetlejuice? Must we go tropical?”

Nine years later the sequel was killed. The studio said Winona Ryder was now too old for the part and an entire re-cast needed to happen. But Burton never gave up, there were a lot of directions he wanted to take his characters, including a Disney crossover.

“We talked about lots of different things,” the director said in Entertainment Weekly. “That was early on when we were going, Beetlejuice and the Haunted MansionBeetlejuice Goes West, whatever. Lots of things came up.”

Fast-forward to 2011 when another script was pitched for a sequel. This time the writer of Burton’s Dark Shadows,  Seth Grahame-Smith was hired and he wanted to make sure the story wasn’t a cash-grabbing remake or reboot. Four years later, in 2015, a script was approved with both Ryder and Keaton saying they would return to their respective roles. In 2017 that script was revamped and then eventually shelved in 2019.

During the time the sequel script was being tossed around in Hollywood, in 2016 an artist named Alex Murillo posted what looked like one-sheets for a Beetlejuice sequel. Although they were fabricated and had no affiliation with Warner Bros. people thought they were real.

Perhaps the virality of the artwork sparked interest in a Beetlejuice sequel once again, and finally, it was confirmed in 2022 Beetlejuice 2 had a green light from a script written by Wednesday writers  Alfred Gough and Miles Millar. The star of that series Jenna Ortega signed on to the new movie with filming starting in 2023. It was also confirmed that Danny Elfman would return to do the score.

Burton and Keaton agreed that the new film titled Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice wouldn’t rely on CGI or other other forms of technology. They wanted the film to feel “handmade.” The film wrapped in November 2023.

It’s been over three decades to come up with a sequel to Beetlejuice. Hopefully, since they said aloha to Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian there has been enough time and creativity to ensure Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice will not only honor the characters, but fans of the original.

Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice will open theatrically on September 6.

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Russell Crowe To Star in Another Exorcism Movie & It’s Not a Sequel

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Maybe it’s because The Exorcist just celebrated its 50th-anniversary last year, or maybe it’s because aging Academy Award-winning actors aren’t too proud to take on obscure roles, but Russell Crowe is visiting the Devil once again in yet another possession film. And it’s not related to his last one, The Pope’s Exorcist.

According to Collider, the film titled The Exorcism was originally going to be released under the name The Georgetown Project. Rights for its North American release were once in the hands of Miramax but then went to Vertical Entertainment. It will release on June 7 in theaters then head over to Shudder for subscribers.

Crowe will also star in this year’s upcoming Kraven the Hunter which is set to drop in theaters on August 30.

As for The Exorcism, Collider provides us with what it’s about:

“The film centers around actor Anthony Miller (Crowe), whose troubles come to the forefront as he shoots a supernatural horror movie. His estranged daughter (Ryan Simpkins) has to figure out whether he’s lapsing into his past addictions, or if something even more horrific is occurring. “

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New F-Bomb Laden ‘Deadpool & Wolverine’ Trailer: Bloody Buddy Movie

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Deadpool & Wolverine might be the buddy movie of the decade. The two heterodox superheroes are back in the latest trailer for the summer blockbuster, this time with more f-bombs than a gangster film.

‘Deadpool & Wolverine’ Movie Trailer

This time the focus is on Wolverine played by Hugh Jackman. The adamantium-infused X-Man is having a bit of a pity party when Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds) arrives on the scene who then tries to convince him to team up for selfish reasons. The result is a profanity-filled trailer with a Strange surprise at the end.

Deadpool & Wolverine is one of the most anticipated movies of the year. It comes out on July 26. Here is the latest trailer, and we suggest if you are at work and your space isn’t private, you might want to put in headphones.

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