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‘Destroy All Humans’ Returns With Shot of Nostalgia and Polished Gameplay

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Destroy

Destroy all Humans is back, you guys. Crypto has returned with re-mastered and shiny new graphics. Best of all, he is just as pissed off at humans as you remember him. Black Forest Games has come out to bring some re-polished human disdain to Pandemic Studio’s 2005 Destroy All Humans.

Destroy All Humans is filled from top to bottom with a pulpy, atomic age B-movie vibe. From the sound effects to the Theremin music, this is undoubtedly channeling a specific feel of the 50’s sci-fi flick.

You play as Cryptosporidium-137, he is an alien from the planet of Furon. A planet that has lost its ability to reproduce due to their advanced weaponry and the side effects of using said weapons. The Furon’s have resulted to cloning as a way to continue their species, however each copy that is made is slowly diluting their powers.

All hope isn’t lost though, it turns out that on their previous travels, the Furon’s made a stop on earth at some point, and the Furon’s somehow ended up getting busy with humans. This lead to all humans having remnants of Furon DNA in within their species. A pure source of Furon energy.

So, the Furons take a road trip to Earth, only trouble is the first little guy they sent in, Crypto-136 disappeared on the little blue planet. So, in goes Crypt-137 to locate his fallen comrade, and begin the invasion to harvest the remnants of Furon energy contained in these human blood bags.

“Crypto and his maniacal

shenanigans are all in good fun.”

Crypto sounds a bit like Jack Nicholson here. Now this is a bit of a dated reference. I’m sure that only about 3 of you will know what the hell I’m talking about but, I believe that Crypto’s Nicholson voice is in homage to 1990’s Spaced Invaders. In that film one of the aliens that crashes on Earth sounds identical to Nicholson. That’s just a tiny bit of trivia for you. If you haven’t seen Spaced Invaders, you should give it a shot, it’s pretty fun B-movie goodness.

That isn’t the only voice that is worth a mention. The Furon boss, POX is played by Richard Horvitz. That’s right Invader Zim himself. He doesn’t change his voice practically at all, and he sounds just as frustrated here as he does as Zim. Again, he wants to destroy all humans. Sound familiar? You get the point.

Destroy

All the original dialogue from the 2005’s Destroy All Humans is just as it was. This means that none of the humor from back then has changed either. So, as you can expect some of it is a little rough around the edges and stuff that might cause modern day cancel culture to hit the triggered button. But, look at times it’s pretty damned funny, I think we can give little Crypto a pass.

Crypto comes to the party with a Chain lightning gun, a plasma blaster and a sort of grenade launcher. These weapons can all be upgraded between missions in order to mod their functionality. There is also an anal probe weapon that causes the poor victims head to explode after being deeply prodded. Sadly, the probe doesn’t work very well within combat.

For most of the game you are running around these open sandboxes, but in some cases you can jump into your flying saucer to unleash death from above with your trusty death ray.

Destroy

These are all in the name of destroying all humans. Crypto comes with his own set of Furon powers as well. He comes loaded with his famous telekinesis power that allows Crypto to fling cows around or send humans flying into the clouds before plummeting down to Earth to smash into concrete. You can also, brainwash targets or get them to dance as a distraction. Most notably and the mechanic you will use the most is the ability to camouflage as a human. This allows you to enter restricted areas and gets you close to individuals that you might need to take out.

All these levels are exactly the ones you may remember from 2005’s Destroy All Humans. But, for the eagle-eyed knit=pickers you might notice there is a level in which you sabotage a UFO at a military instillation that is an all new level and didn’t appear at any point in previous titles.

The graphics look really good here. The bright color palette is really fun and adds to the cartoonish chaos that makes up the entirety of this game.  Everything from the cut scenes to the gameplay has been re-mastered and it looks like Black Forest Games took its time to make everything look really good, and nicely polished.

Traversing feels really good. Crypto has a makeshift hover board that he uses to skate around and has some cool rocket pack capabilities that offer him flight and hover abilities. These feel really smooth and add to that fluidity of carefree gameplay that makes up a ton of this game.

That fluidity is especially fun once you get all your powers going a the same time. Use mind powers to make an enemy fight alongside you, toss folks around with telekinesis, chain lightning some baddies and then anal probe the last bit of them to get in some laughs. It’s fun to see how many ways you can get into these big brawls.

Now, the downside is that a lot of this become redundant and repetitive at times. Doing the same thing over and over, after you level up your weapons all the way, leaves something to be wanted. The lack of enemy variety starts to wear on you too.

There has been enough time between me playing the game back in 2005 till now. It feel like a totally new game at this point because I don’t remember story details from that long ago by any means. The only thing that feels a dated is some crude humor, but that was something that South Park and Beavis and Butt-head loving kids really dug about the series. So, in retrospect you have to take the good with the bad.

Destroy

Now, I will say that it was hard for me to kill these poor moo cows back in 2005 and it’s just as hard to kill them now. Oddly enough, the game doesn’t give you an option in killing them or not killing them. The training mission immediately tasks you with hurting the poor cows with your telekinesis. I never felt good about it. I would much rather be killing some of the xenophobes and racists that make up some parts of the town.

The game offers a fair amount of re-playability by way of its time trail challenges. Completionists will want to get the highest star rating on each of these challenges. These are probably the toughest part of the game, but well worth those achievement points to add onto the gamer score.

Destory All Humans is a fun 15-hour blasty, blasty of an experience. It is fun to destroy the dumb, racist, war mongers in the game people in the game. Crypto and his maniacal shenanigans are all in good fun. Part nostalgia and part great destroyer, this game ends up being well worth its money ($39.99) and a great way to have a few laughs while destroying a heck load of humans. If you are a fan of the series and are doing this to scratch that nostalgia itch, then you are going to have a good time and get what you expected. If you are new to this and don’t have that past connection with it, this could be hit or miss for you.

Destroy All Humans is out now on PS4, Xbox One, Stadi and Windows. You can pick up a copy right HERE.

Want to flashback to the 50’s and alien B-movies from the time? Click here.

 

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Another Creepy Spider Movie Hits Shudder This Month

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Good spider films are a theme this year. First, we had Sting and then there was Infested. The former is still in theaters and the latter is coming to Shudder starting April 26.

Infested has been getting some good reviews. People are saying that it’s not only a great creature feature but also a social commentary on racism in France.

According to IMDb: Writer/director Sébastien Vanicek was looking for ideas around the discrimination faced by black and Arab-looking people in France, and that led him to spiders, which are rarely welcome in homes; whenever they’re spotted, they’re swatted. As everyone in the story (people and spiders) is treated like vermin by society, the title came to him naturally.

Shudder has become the gold standard for streaming horror content. Since 2016, the service has been offering fans an expansive library of genre movies. in 2017, they began to stream exclusive content.

Since then Shudder has become a powerhouse in the film festival circuit, buying distribution rights to movies, or just producing some of their own. Just like Netflix, they give a film a short theatrical run before adding it to their library exclusively for subscribers.

Late Night With the Devil is a great example. It was released theatrically on March 22 and will begin streaming on the platform starting April 19.

While not getting the same buzz as Late Night, Infested is a festival favorite and many have said if you suffer from arachnophobia, you might want to take heed before watching it.

Infested

According to the synopsis, our main character, Kalib is turning 30 and dealing with some family issues. “He’s fighting with his sister over an inheritance and has cut ties with his best friend. Fascinated by exotic animals, he finds a venomous spider in a shop and brings it back to his apartment. It only takes a moment for the spider to escape and reproduce, turning the whole building into a dreadful web trap. The only option for Kaleb and his friends is to find a way out and survive.”

The film will be available to watch on Shudder starting April 26.

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Part Concert, Part Horror Movie M. Night Shyamalan’s ‘Trap’ Trailer Released

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In true Shyamalan form, he sets his film Trap inside a social situation where we aren’t sure what is going on. Hopefully, there is a twist at the end. Furthermore, we hope it’s better than the one in his divisive 2021 movie Old.

The trailer seemingly gives away a lot, but, as in the past, you can’t rely on his trailers because they are often red herrings and you are being gaslit to think a certain way. For instance, his movie Knock at the Cabin was completely different than what the trailer implied and if you hadn’t read the book on which the film is based it was still like going in blind.

The plot for Trap is being dubbed an “experience” and we aren’t quite sure what that means. If we were to guess based on the trailer, it’s a concert movie wrapped around a horror mystery. There are original songs performed by Saleka, who plays Lady Raven, a kind of Taylor Swift/Lady Gaga hybrid. They have even set up a Lady Raven website to further the illusion.

Here is the fresh trailer:

According to the synopsis, a father takes his daughter to one of Lady Raven’s jam-packed concerts, “where they realize they’re at the center of a dark and sinister event.”

Written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan, Trap stars Josh Hartnett, Ariel Donoghue, Saleka Shyamalan, Hayley Mills and Allison Pill. The film is produced by Ashwin Rajan, Marc Bienstock and M. Night Shyamalan. The executive producer is Steven Schneider.

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Woman Brings Corpse Into Bank To Sign Loan Papers

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Warning: This is a disturbing story.

You have to be pretty desperate for money to do what this Brazilian woman did at the bank to get a loan. She wheeled in a fresh corpse to endorse the contract and she seemingly thought the bank employees wouldn’t notice. They did.

This weird and disturbing story comes via ScreenGeek an entertainment digital publication. They write that a woman identified as Erika de Souza Vieira Nunes pushed a man she identified as her uncle into the bank pleading with him to sign loan papers for $3,400. 

If you’re squeamish or easily triggered, be aware that the video captured of the situation is disturbing. 

Latin America’s largest commercial network, TV Globo, reported on the crime, and according to ScreenGeek this is what Nunes says in Portuguese during the attempted transaction. 

“Uncle, are you paying attention? You must sign [the loan contract]. If you don’t sign, there’s no way, as I cannot sign on your behalf!”

She then adds: “Sign so you can spare me further headaches; I can’t bear it any longer.” 

At first we thought this might be a hoax, but according to Brazilian police, the uncle, 68-year-old Paulo Roberto Braga had passed away earlier that day.

 “She attempted to feign his signature for the loan. He entered the bank already deceased,” Police Chief Fábio Luiz said in an interview with TV Globo. “Our priority is to continue investigating to identify other family members and gather more information regarding this loan.”

If convicted Nunes could be facing jail time on charges of fraud, embezzlement, and desecration of a corpse.

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