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Ladies of iHorror Present: A Horror Girl’s Guide to Survival

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Listen, ladies. We all know what’s up. You’re going to a cabin in the woods with your friends for a fun weekend of drunken debauchery. How were you supposed to know that the cabin was built on an ancient burial ground where a neglected child drowned while looking for his long lost sister, who was a victim of a child killer that later died in a fire?

Danger could be lurking around every corner. If you want to jump from first victim to final girl, there are a few rules you’ll have to follow.

But don’t worry, a few of us ladies at iHorror have teamed up to help you out.

Don’t Ever Drop Your Weapon

Oh my God. We did it. We almost died but I got him. I stabbed in the eye. Now he’s lying there, dead, I assume, because I didn’t check. Let me put down my knife. I’ll set it right next to him since he’s dead and can’t use it and I’ll just turn my back and sit to catch my breath.

Wait…do you hear that music getting louder? What is that? Oh yeah, it’s the killer right behind me BECAUSE I LET HIM BORROW MY SHARP AND POINTY KNIFE!

Ladies, we need to talk. This rule is so, very important. If the killer seems dead, he probably isn’t. Keep those weapons in your hands, even if you must duct tape them to your digits to keep from dropping them when, I can only assume, you fall at least once during your attempted escape.

When in doubt, keep the weapon and kill him again if you must. Never. Put. It. Down.
– D.D. Crowley

Don’t Run Upstairs

Ladies, I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish by running upstairs, but I can tell you right off the bat that it’s not a great idea. Unless you have the legs of a giraffe with the grace of a gazelle, you’re pretty much doomed if the killer is right behind you. You just can’t get up the stairs that quickly, and chances are he’s well over 6′ tall with some kind of weapon to extend his reach.

If you do somehow miraculously succeed, what’s the plan? Are you going to hide in a closet because nobody has ever checked there? Jump out a window and injure your leg, preventing a quick getaway? Are you hoping to out-maneuver the killer and sneak back down the stairs before he catches you? Do you even know the layout of this house?

No. You’re going to get trapped and it’s overall just a bad scene. Do yourself a favor and stick with a manageable escape route.
– Kelly McNeely

Don’t Have Sex

I know, I know. The sultry setting of that abandoned old house makes it oh-so tempting (Unf, asbestos!). The adrenaline rush that this place gives you goes straight to the root chakra.

However, in the midst of copulation, the ecstasy leaves you both vulnerable and distracted–two dire traits to avoid when a serial killer is on the loose. And besides: did you plan this, young lady? Did you use protection? Do you really want to waddle away, a slave to the weight of a baby belly, when that son of a bitch strikes back for the sequel?

That is, if you make it that long…
– Tiffi Alarie

Always Go For the Kill

I don’t care if he looks dead. When there’s a maniac on your heels, terrorizing you and steadily slaughtering your less-savvy friends, there’s no such thing as overkill.

You just know that the second you turn your back, that villain is going to pop back up like a diabolical jack-in-the-box. It’s really going to put a dampener on your post-vengeance sense of relief.

There’s no need to take a moment to check if he’s really dead. Go ahead and stab, shoot, or kick your way to safety by totally pulverizing that guy. The blood and – if you’re really committed – chunks of brain left on your hands may be traumatizing, but hey, you won this round.
– Kelly McNeely

Don’t Wear High Heels

Let’s face it ladies, high heels can be difficult to walk in even under the most favorable of circumstances. Deep down inside we know even with the smoothest, most obstacle free hard surfaces, our feet can only endure so much when squeezed into those phalanx prisons.

We may not want to admit it to our fellas, but high heels can be a real bitch. I don’t care how cute you think they are, how well they match your outfit, or how tall they make you look. When a relentless killer is pursuing you, they won’t care either.

Our desire to be in vogue or impress that cute guy across the room with our trendy tootsies will lead to our own undoing.  How many times have we seen a female character running, or hobbling, away from the steady stalk of a killer only to trip over, well, nothing? Now why would you increase those odds of being added to the body pile by wearing high heels?

There are just too many things that can go wrong! Your heel can snap leaving you to stumble away unevenly. Even worse, your heel can fall off completely, becoming a useless projectile to throw at the killer.

If your shoes do decide to stay in one piece and remain on your feet they will undoubtedly slip just right to twist or break an ankle, leaving you unable to run to your full potential.

Readers, don’t let these ladies who have come before us – only to meet their untimely demise due to fashionable footwear – die in vain. Let us learn from their mistakes. No more senseless stilettos or foolish wedges. Say no to painful pumps and platforms. Let us vow once and for all; at the first signs of shit hitting the fan we will take off the heels and find a sensible pair of sneakers to hightail it out of there!
– Piper Minear

Don’t Leave the Group

Ladies, if you wander off, you’re just going to disappear, never to be seen again. I hope you’re okay with that.

When you’re on your own, you don’t have anyone to watch your back. And when you don’t have anyone to watch your back, you’re going to have an unfortunate and painful surprise. The killer is always lying in wait, looking for the weakest prey to separate from the pack. It’s only natural, and it’s extremely effective. Don’t fall for it.

The added benefit of staying with the group is that if there’s someone slower than you, chances are you’ll be ok. Sorry, friend, but it’s survival of the fittest here.
– Kelly McNeely

Don’t Drink Alcohol or Use Drugs

Finally, let’s get one last thing straight; do not drink alcohol or use drugs. No one in the history of horror movies has ever been able to handle their high long enough to combat a stone cold killer. Once you hear the “Ch Ch Ch, Ah Ah Ah”s you better sober the hell up, put one foot in front of the other and RUN!

We’ve all been there, ladies. You’re the new girl at the party and you want to fit in. You don’t want to be seen as a square for not taking a hit off of the bong fashioned out of some old relic that was found in the basement. Or God forbid you pass on shot gunning a brewski punctured with a screwdriver, an implement I’m sure you will never, ever see again *cough cough.*

But is it really worth it? You’ve never seen any of these people before this party, and chances are pretty good that you won’t be seeing them again after… not alive anyways.

If you’re still not sold on whether or not you’re willing to risk losing your “cool card,” let’s take a look at the lessons we’ve learned from the hardcore party ladies before us.

Drinking beer is usually not going to put you as the first to die on the killer’s hit list; these spots are reserved for a much more accomplished and higher caliber naughty girl than yourself. When you start mixing your beer with harder liquor is when your risk factor begins to rise, and depending on how much you drink, it can rise pretty quickly.

Stay away from drinking games. Being the new girl will peg you as a pretty easy target, so everyone will rally together to get you drunk. Not only will you need to be wary of any psychopaths on the premises, now you have to worry about drunk boys trying to get in your panties, too.

If you have given in to the hard stuff, you have now successfully risen from the bottom of the desired kill list to the halfway mark. These are pretty murky waters and can lead to other bad choices.

Let’s say you decide to partake in premarital sex with that cute guy you’ve been stealing looks at all night long. Uh oh! This moves you up a few more pegs into the danger territory. You may see it as fitting in with what everyone else is doing, but a masked killer is going to be drawn to your actions like a shark with blood in the water. The feeding frenzy is about to begin.

Finally, if after the beers, shots, and premarital sex, you still decide to top it off with some weed, well then you’re just ringing the dinner bell, and you’re the main course!
– Piper Minear

So there you have it, ladies. Hopefully this can help you make it through the night. Make good choices, note your exits, and go have fun!

Looking for more Scream Queen motivation? Click here to read our list of Top Ten Final Girls

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‘Strange Darling’ Featuring Kyle Gallner and Willa Fitzgerald Lands Nationwide Release [Watch Clip]

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Strange Darling Kyle Gallner

‘Strange Darling,’ a standout film featuring Kyle Gallner, who is nominated for an iHorror award for his performance in ‘The Passenger,’ and Willa Fitzgerald, has been acquired for a wide theatrical release in the United States by Magenta Light Studios, a new enterprise from veteran producer Bob Yari. This announcement, brought to us by Variety, follows the film’s successful premiere at Fantastic Fest in 2023, where it was universally praised for its creative storytelling and compelling performances, achieving a perfect score of 100% Fresh on Rotten Tomatoes from 14 reviews.

Strange Darling – Movie Clip

Directed by JT Mollner, ‘Strange Darling‘ is a thrilling narrative of a spontaneous hookup that takes an unexpected and terrifying turn. The film is notable for its innovative narrative structure and the exceptional acting of its leads. Mollner, known for his 2016 Sundance entry “Outlaws and Angels,” has once again employed 35mm for this project, cementing his reputation as a filmmaker with a distinct visual and narrative style. He is currently involved in adapting Stephen King’s novel “The Long Walk” in collaboration with director Francis Lawrence.

Bob Yari expressed his enthusiasm for the film’s upcoming release, scheduled for August 23rd, highlighting the unique qualities that make ‘Strange Darling’ a significant addition to the horror genre. “We are thrilled to be bringing nationwide theatrical audiences this unique and exceptional film with terrific performances by Willa Fitzgerald and Kyle Gallner. This second feature from talented writer-director JT Mollner is destined to become a cult classic that defies conventional storytelling,” Yari told Variety.

Variety’s review of the film from Fantastic Fest lauds Mollner’s approach, saying, “Mollner shows himself to be more forward-thinking than most of his genre peers. He’s clearly a student of the game, one who studied his forebears’ lessons with adroitness to better prepare himself to put his own mark on them.” This praise underlines Mollner’s deliberate and thoughtful engagement with the genre, promising audiences a film that is both reflective and innovative.

Strange Darling

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Sydney Sweeney’s ‘Barbarella’ Revival Forges Ahead

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Sydney Sweeney Barbarella

Sydney Sweeney has confirmed the ongoing progress of the much-anticipated reboot of Barbarella. The project, which sees Sweeney not only starring but also executive producing, aims to breathe new life into the iconic character that first captured audiences’ imaginations in the 1960s. However, amid speculation, Sweeney remains tight-lipped about the possible involvement of celebrated director Edgar Wright in the project.

During her appearance on the Happy Sad Confused podcast, Sweeney shared her enthusiasm for the project and the character of Barbarella, stating, “It is. I mean, Barbarella is just such a fun character to explore. She really just embraces her femininity and her sexuality, and I love that. She uses sex as a weapon and I think it’s such an interesting way into a sci-fi world. I’ve always wanted to do sci-fi. So we’ll see what happens.“

Sydney Sweeney confirms her Barbarella reboot is still in the works

Barbarella, originally a creation of Jean-Claude Forest for V Magazine in 1962, was transformed into a cinematic icon by Jane Fonda under the direction of Roger Vardim in 1968. Despite a sequel, Barbarella Goes Down, never seeing the light of day, the character has remained a symbol of sci-fi allure and adventurous spirit.

Over the decades, several high-profile names including Rose McGowan, Halle Berry, and Kate Beckinsale were floated as potential leads for a reboot, with directors Robert Rodriguez and Robert Luketic, and writers Neal Purvis and Robert Wade previously attached to revive the franchise. Unfortunately, none of these iterations made it past the conceptual stage.

Barbarella

The film’s progress took a promising turn approximately eighteen months ago when Sony Pictures announced its decision to cast Sydney Sweeney in the titular role, a move that Sweeney herself has suggested was facilitated by her involvement in Madame Web, also under Sony’s banner. This strategic decision was aimed at fostering a beneficial relationship with the studio, specifically with the Barbarella reboot in mind.

When probed about Edgar Wright’s potential directorial role, Sweeney adeptly sidestepped, merely noting that Wright has become an acquaintance. This has left fans and industry watchers speculating about the extent of his involvement, if any, in the project.

Barbarella is known for its adventurous tales of a young woman traversing the galaxy, engaging in escapades that often incorporate elements of sexuality—a theme Sweeney seems eager to explore. Her commitment to reimagining Barbarella for a new generation, while staying true to the character’s original essence, sounds like the making of a great reboot.

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‘The First Omen’ Almost Received an NC-17 Rating

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the first omen trailer

Set for an April 5 theater release, ‘The First Omen’ carries an R-rating, a classification that was almost not achieved. Arkasha Stevenson, in her inaugural feature film directorial role, faced a formidable challenge in securing this rating for the prequel to the esteemed franchise. It seems the filmmakers had to contend with the ratings board to prevent the film from being saddled with an NC-17 rating. In a revealing conversation with Fangoria, Stevenson described the ordeal as ‘a long battle’, one not waged over traditional concerns such as gore. Instead, the crux of the controversy centered around the depiction of the female anatomy.

Stevenson’s vision for “The First Omen” delves deep into the theme of dehumanization, particularly through the lens of forced birthing. “The horror in that situation is how dehumanized that woman is”, Stevenson explains, emphasizing the significance of presenting the female body in a non-sexualized light to address themes of forced reproduction authentically. This commitment to realism nearly landed the film an NC-17 rating, sparking a prolonged negotiation with the MPA. “This has been my life for a year and a half, fighting for the shot. It’s the theme of our film. It’s the female body being violated from the inside outwards”, she states, highlighting the importance of the scene to the film’s core message.

The First Omen Movie Poster – by Creepy Duck Design

Producers David Goyer and Keith Levine supported Stevenson’s battle, encountering what they perceived as a double standard in the ratings process. Levine reveals, “We had to go back and forth with the ratings board five times. Weirdly, avoiding the NC-17 made it more intense”, pointing out how the struggle with the ratings board inadvertently intensified the final product. Goyer adds, “There is more permissiveness when dealing with male protagonists, particularly in body horror”, suggesting a gender bias in how body horror is evaluated.

The film’s bold approach to challenging viewers’ perceptions extends beyond the ratings controversy. Co-writer Tim Smith notes the intention to subvert expectations traditionally associated with The Omen franchise, aiming to surprise audiences with a fresh narrative focus. “One of the big things we were excited to do was to kind of pull the rug out from under people’s expectations”, Smith says, underscoring the creative team’s desire to explore new thematic ground.

Nell Tiger Free, known for her role in “Servant”, leads the cast of “The First Omen”, set for release by 20th Century Studios on April 5. The movie follows a young American woman dispatched to Rome for church service, where she stumbles upon a sinister force that shakes her faith to its core and reveals a chilling plot aimed at summoning evil incarnate.

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