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The German Chainsaw Massacre – Movie Review

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Every now and then I like to educate people about German horror movies of the past and the present. And when I saw this movie, I had to review it.

About the Movie

Das Deutsche Kettensägenmassaker (also known as Blackest Heart) is an homage, or maybe more of a parody, of the 1974 movie The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, as you might see by the title alone. In 1990, shortly after the wall fell and the borders between eastern and western Germany opened, Clara kills her husband and flees to west Germany, ready to meet a friend there. Instead she meets an inbred cannibal family. Chaos ensues.

German Chainsaw Massacre Review

No idea why former German Chancellor Helmut Kohl is listed on this poster.

It’s written and directed by Christoph Schlingensief, who made this movie as part of his “German Trilogy”, after 100 Years of Adolf Hitler and before Terror 2000. The most notable actor to appear in this movie is Udo Kier as Jonny.

Its runtime is 63 minutes, and those 63 are more than enough.

Review

The German Chainsaw Massacre is a movie you have to see to believe. The first shot of the movie is of a woman cut in half, with her guts hanging out. It’s just a short flash, before the movie even starts. From the first scene everything just feels weird. Clara’s husband is played by a woman, masked as a man like you’d see it in a cheap theater production. Adding to that are many uses of the Dutch angle and other weird angles.

Later on we meet the family. One daughter is a lesbian, Margit, played by the same woman who played Clara’s husband. The other characters are just crazy and weird, Udo Kier at one point sets his hair on fire, running around the room singing “My hair is on fire”. That kind of crazy.

Blackest Heart movie Review

A young Udo Kier as Jonny (yes his hair is on fire)

The whole movie has an underground feeling to it, almost like a movie you shouldn’t be watching. Even though it is not scary, it surely is shocking and making you feel uncomfortable.

The gore is crazy. It is very cheap, but I feel it’s so cheap that they might have just used actual animal guts, which adds another level of creepy. The shot of the woman ripped in half is surely a gory highlight, and you get the full context of that shot later in the movie. But there are many more uses of gore, some not as good as others, but all in all still effective.

Final Thoughts

This movie is as much a horror movie as the Troma movies. It’s not scary, but excessive in gore and other taboo topics that make you feel uncomfortable instead of scared. It is cheaply made with some bad effects. But it still is interesting and worth a watch. Just know what you are getting into before you start it. It’s experimental film making mixed with strong social commentary.

If you like Troma or want to see something really out of the ordinary, or just plain weird, give The German Chainsaw Massacre a try.

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Spirit Halloween Unleashes Life-Size ‘Ghostbusters’ Terror Dog

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Halfway to Halloween and the licensed merch is already being released for the holiday. For instance, the seasonal retailer giant Spirit Halloween unveiled their giant Ghostbusters Terror Dog for the first time this year.

The one-of-a-kind demonic dog has eyes that light up in a glowing, terrifying red. It’s going to set you back a whopping $599.99.

Since this year we saw the release of Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire, it’s probably going to be a popular theme come October. Spirit Halloween is embracing their inner Venkman with other releases tied to the franchise such as the LED Ghostbuster Ghost Trap, Ghostbusters Walkie Talkie, Life-Size Replica Proton Pack.

We saw the release of other horror props today. Home Depot unveiled a few pieces from their line which includes the signature giant skeleton and separate dog companion.

For the latest Halloween merch and updates get on over to Spirit Halloween and see what else they have to offer to make your neighbors jealous this season. But for now, enjoy a small video that features scenes from this classic cinematic canine.

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‘The Strangers’ Invaded Coachella in Instagramable PR Stunt

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Renny Harlin’s reboot of The Strangers isn’t coming out until May 17, but those murderous home invaders are making a pit stop at Coachella first.

In the latest Instagramable PR stunt, the studio behind the film decided to have the trio of masked intruders crash Coachella, a music festival that takes place for two weekends in Southern California.

The Strangers

This type of publicity began when Paramount did the same thing with their horror movie Smile in 2022. Their version had seemingly ordinary people in populated places look directly into a camera with an evil grin.

The Strangers

Harlin’s reboot is actually a trilogy with a more expansive world than that of the original.

“When setting out to remake The Strangers, we felt there was a bigger story to be told, which could be as powerful, chilling, and terrifying as the original and could really expand that world,” said producer Courtney Solomon. “Shooting this story as a trilogy allows us to create a hyperreal and terrifying character study. We’re fortunate to be joining forces with Madelaine Petsch, an amazing talent whose character is the driving force of this story.”

The Strangers

The movie follows a young couple (Madelaine Petsch and Froy Gutierrez) who “after their car breaks down in an eerie small town, are forced to spend the night in a remote cabin. Panic ensues as they are terrorized by three masked strangers who strike with no mercy and seemingly no motive in The Strangers: Chapter 1 the chilling first entry of this upcoming horror feature film series.”

The Strangers

The Strangers: Chapter 1 opens in theaters on May 17.

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‘Alien’ Returning to Theaters For a Limited Time

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It’s been 45 years since Ridley Scott’s Alien hit theaters and in celebration of that milestone, it is headed back to the big screen for a limited time. And what better day to do that than Alien Day on April 26?

It also works as a primer for the upcoming Fede Alvarez sequel Alien: Romulus opening on August 16. A special feature in which both Alvarez and Scott discuss the original sci-fi classic will be shown as a part of your theater admission. Take a look at the preview of that conversation below.

Fede Alvarez and Ridley Scott

Back in 1979, the original trailer for Alien was kind of terrifying. Imagine sitting in front of a CRT TV (Cathode Ray Tube) at night and suddenly Jerry Goldsmith’s haunting score begins to play as a giant chicken egg starts to crack with beams of light bursting through the shell and the word “Alien” slowly forms in slanted all caps across the screen. To a twelve-year-old, it was a scary pre-bedtime experience, especially Goldsmith’s screaming electronic musical flourishes playing over scenes of the actual movie. Let the “Is it horror or sci-fi?” debate begin.

Alien became a pop culture phenomenon, complete with kid’s toys, a graphic novel, and an Academy Award for Best Visual Effects. It also inspired dioramas in wax museums and even a frightening setpiece at Walt Disney World in the now-defunct Great Movie Ride attraction.

Great Movie Ride

The film stars Sigourney Weaver, Tom Skerritt, and John Hurt. It tells the tale of a futuristic crew of blue-collar workers suddenly awakened out of stasis to investigate an undecipherable distress signal coming from a nearby moon. They investigate the source of the signal and discover it’s a warning and not a cry for help. Unbeknownst to the crew, they have brought a giant space creature back on board which they find out in one of the most iconic scenes in cinema history.

It is said that Alvarez’s sequel will pay homage to the original film’s storytelling and set design.

Alien Romulus
Alien (1979)

The Alien theatrical re-release will take place on April 26. Pre-order your tickets and find out where Alien will screen at a theater near you.

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