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Let’s Face The Facts: The Easter Bunny is Truly Terrifying

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Easter Bunny

Easter is a beautiful time of year, signaling the beginning of spring and an end to the long dark winter.  Days filled with extra sunshine, birds chirping, flowers blooming, and the dreaded arrival of the Easter Bunny.

Like many of you, I was introduced to the thought of a Rabbit delivering me some yummy candy at a very young age.  Do you remember your very first visit to get an awkward mall photo with the Easter Bunny? Did you run up for a hug, or were you dragged to his lap, kicking and screaming?

Some of us were blessed with cute fluffy bunnies with rosy cheeks and a welcoming smile. Others had the unfortunate luck of being greeted by something similar to the monstrosity below.

I believe most people my age have a picture of themselves sitting on the lap of a horrifying creature like this.  How our parents, or anyone in their right mind, would have thought this would be a good idea is beyond me. Imagine being little and staring up at a 6’ rabbit with giant hands, creepy eyes and sharp teeth!!!!

That won’t scar a kid for life at all.

via My Mother (Wasn’t I adorable? Apologies for having to view my brother’s pants)

Take another peek at the image above.  Do you see it? Look closer (No, not at the pants, people. Look at the Rabbit).

See the big black sockets where the eyes should be.  This is the portal to hell from which the Easter Bunny came. If you stare long enough you will be transported there, never to be seen again.

I taught my children early on to maintain minimal eye contact for their own protection. If only they had listened. God, I still miss little Timmy.

via Twitter

Lucky for us, kids can sense evil.  That is why screams of terror can be heard resonating throughout every shopping mall in America this month.

You see, kids don’t actually want to see the Easter Bunny. Their parents want them to see the Easter Bunny. Children are smart enough to not trade their soul in exchange for some jelly beans.

Seriously, who eats that crap anyways? Plus, lets try not to think of where those eggs actually come from. It’s not like the Easter Bunny has a magic sack like Santa. You know there is only one logical place they can come from, right?

via Pic Sauce

Just to be sure of my theory, I took a quick survey at my local preschool. The general consensus was that kids are getting “sick of our shit” with the whole “Let’s go see the Easter Bunny” thing.

The children all swore that there would be retaliation in the form of a “special gift in our Huggies” for any parent forcing them to visit the bunny this year.  I am serious people; listen to your little bundles of joy! Don’t you know the children are our future?

(Disclaimer:  There was no actual survey; it was a preschool for Christ’s sake.  I just love making stuff up. I can say, however, the teacher did not seem to like me at all.  She kept saying stuff like “get out of here before I call the cops” and that “I am no longer permitted back in the school”. Then she was going on about how I was a “terrible person for frightening the small children”.  I personally think she was overreacting.)

 

via The Horror Dome

Please parents, take this article as a public service.  Do not subject your beautiful spawn to the dead-behind-the-eyes, razor-sharp teeth-having, child-devouring Easter Bunny.  I am honestly surprised we don’t see colony of them driving around in white vans telling the kids they have candy and puppies.

Easter Bunnies are just fluffy balls of concentrated evil.

So please, make sure to get the kids some good candy this year. No more of this Peeps and Jelly Bean bullshit.  Like, the good chocolate that you eat in the bathroom or closet while hiding from your kids so you don’t have to share.

(Fun Fact: A group of rabbits is called a colony or nest.  There you go, getting a little free education from yours truly. You’re welcome.)

Did your kids love or hate the Easter Bunny? Did the bunny ever give you a bit of the creeps? Tell us in the comments below.  While you are at it, let us know what candy you are hoping to find in your basket this year!

From the whole iHorror family, Happy Easter to you and yours!

 

Want to learn about the scariest Easter Bunny of all? Click Here for the pure nightmare fuel that is the Jesus Bunny from Holidays!

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Movies

Another Creepy Spider Movie Hits Shudder This Month

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Good spider films are a theme this year. First, we had Sting and then there was Infested. The former is still in theaters and the latter is coming to Shudder starting April 26.

Infested has been getting some good reviews. People are saying that it’s not only a great creature feature but also a social commentary on racism in France.

According to IMDb: Writer/director Sébastien Vanicek was looking for ideas around the discrimination faced by black and Arab-looking people in France, and that led him to spiders, which are rarely welcome in homes; whenever they’re spotted, they’re swatted. As everyone in the story (people and spiders) is treated like vermin by society, the title came to him naturally.

Shudder has become the gold standard for streaming horror content. Since 2016, the service has been offering fans an expansive library of genre movies. in 2017, they began to stream exclusive content.

Since then Shudder has become a powerhouse in the film festival circuit, buying distribution rights to movies, or just producing some of their own. Just like Netflix, they give a film a short theatrical run before adding it to their library exclusively for subscribers.

Late Night With the Devil is a great example. It was released theatrically on March 22 and will begin streaming on the platform starting April 19.

While not getting the same buzz as Late Night, Infested is a festival favorite and many have said if you suffer from arachnophobia, you might want to take heed before watching it.

Infested

According to the synopsis, our main character, Kalib is turning 30 and dealing with some family issues. “He’s fighting with his sister over an inheritance and has cut ties with his best friend. Fascinated by exotic animals, he finds a venomous spider in a shop and brings it back to his apartment. It only takes a moment for the spider to escape and reproduce, turning the whole building into a dreadful web trap. The only option for Kaleb and his friends is to find a way out and survive.”

The film will be available to watch on Shudder starting April 26.

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Part Concert, Part Horror Movie M. Night Shyamalan’s ‘Trap’ Trailer Released

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In true Shyamalan form, he sets his film Trap inside a social situation where we aren’t sure what is going on. Hopefully, there is a twist at the end. Furthermore, we hope it’s better than the one in his divisive 2021 movie Old.

The trailer seemingly gives away a lot, but, as in the past, you can’t rely on his trailers because they are often red herrings and you are being gaslit to think a certain way. For instance, his movie Knock at the Cabin was completely different than what the trailer implied and if you hadn’t read the book on which the film is based it was still like going in blind.

The plot for Trap is being dubbed an “experience” and we aren’t quite sure what that means. If we were to guess based on the trailer, it’s a concert movie wrapped around a horror mystery. There are original songs performed by Saleka, who plays Lady Raven, a kind of Taylor Swift/Lady Gaga hybrid. They have even set up a Lady Raven website to further the illusion.

Here is the fresh trailer:

According to the synopsis, a father takes his daughter to one of Lady Raven’s jam-packed concerts, “where they realize they’re at the center of a dark and sinister event.”

Written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan, Trap stars Josh Hartnett, Ariel Donoghue, Saleka Shyamalan, Hayley Mills and Allison Pill. The film is produced by Ashwin Rajan, Marc Bienstock and M. Night Shyamalan. The executive producer is Steven Schneider.

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Woman Brings Corpse Into Bank To Sign Loan Papers

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Warning: This is a disturbing story.

You have to be pretty desperate for money to do what this Brazilian woman did at the bank to get a loan. She wheeled in a fresh corpse to endorse the contract and she seemingly thought the bank employees wouldn’t notice. They did.

This weird and disturbing story comes via ScreenGeek an entertainment digital publication. They write that a woman identified as Erika de Souza Vieira Nunes pushed a man she identified as her uncle into the bank pleading with him to sign loan papers for $3,400. 

If you’re squeamish or easily triggered, be aware that the video captured of the situation is disturbing. 

Latin America’s largest commercial network, TV Globo, reported on the crime, and according to ScreenGeek this is what Nunes says in Portuguese during the attempted transaction. 

“Uncle, are you paying attention? You must sign [the loan contract]. If you don’t sign, there’s no way, as I cannot sign on your behalf!”

She then adds: “Sign so you can spare me further headaches; I can’t bear it any longer.” 

At first we thought this might be a hoax, but according to Brazilian police, the uncle, 68-year-old Paulo Roberto Braga had passed away earlier that day.

 “She attempted to feign his signature for the loan. He entered the bank already deceased,” Police Chief Fábio Luiz said in an interview with TV Globo. “Our priority is to continue investigating to identify other family members and gather more information regarding this loan.”

If convicted Nunes could be facing jail time on charges of fraud, embezzlement, and desecration of a corpse.

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