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13 Eerie, and Sometimes Hilarious, Epitaphs on Real Tombstones

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Epitaphs

An epitaph is an interesting thing. The final words one chooses to memorialize a loved one, or even themselves as the case may be, on a grave marker or tombstone range from messages of hope to laugh out loud humorous to downright creepy.

Some of these have become so famous for their eerie or strange sentiments that they’ve worked their way into the collective unconscious.

Anyone ever heard some variation of this one?

“Remember me as you pass by. As you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so you shall be. Prepare for death and follow me.”

This particular epitaph has been used since the mid-17th century and though many have searched, without success, to find its exact origins, its particular sentiments have haunted cemetery visitors for centuries.

Death, after all, is inevitable.

With that verse in mind, I decided to put together a list of those epitaphs that stuck out most to me in my research. Some are humorous, some eerie, and some just might haunt you for years to come.

#1 The Bard’s Final Admonition

It is believed, though not confirmed, that William Shakespeare wrote the quatrain carved in stone atop his grave in TrinityChurch on the banks of the Avon in England. It certainly sounds like something the Bard would pen, and unfortunately, his apparent fears were correct.

According to the Hudson Review, Shakespeare’s bones no longer lie beneath the stone in TrinityChurch. Few were ever given permanent tenure there, but in Shakespeare’s case it is not known whether pesky grave robbers stole the man’s body or if the Avon’s flooding eventually washed them away.

Whatever the case, his final words are haunting:

“GOOD FREND FOR IESVS SAKE FORBEARE
TO DIGG THE DVST ENCLOASED HEARE
BLESTe BE Ye MAN Yt SPARES THES STONES
AND CVRST BE HE Yt MOVES MY BONES”

Shakespeare Epitaph

#2 Killed by the Beast

One of the strangest epitaphs I’ve ever seen came from the gravestone of Lilly E. Gray. Along with her name, birth and death dates, Lilly’s epitaph reads: “Killed by the Beast 666.”

For years, many thought this had something to do with Satan and Demons, but as it turns out, Lilly’s husband Elmer was a rather paranoid conspiracy theorist who blamed the government for many things over the span of his lifetime. He was even sure that they had something to do with his wife’s death.

It is entirely possible that he was referring to the government, then, when he chose the final words for his wife’s grave. It’s also interesting to note that he refused to be buried alongside her.

Epitaph Lilly Gray

Photo by Noel Fields

#3 Specimens

The State of Ohio Asylum for the Insane Cemetery is an inactive cemetery located among a group of formerly used government buildings in Franklin County, Ohio.

The cemetery was used predominantly for indigent patients of the hospital whose family did not claim them upon death. While this is sad enough in itself, what’s more troubling is that only about one quarter of the cemetery’s headstones contain names. Many are merely marked with an “M” or “F” followed by a number to denote the gender of the patient buried there and the corresponding chronological order of their deaths.

And then there’s a stone marked simply “Specimens.” In a sea of anonymous death, this is particularly disturbing as no one has ever disturbed the ground to determine who or what is buried there.

Human remains? Organs? Tissue samples? Or something even darker? We don’t know, but that headstone is certainly creepy in its anonymity and its verbiage.

Epitaphs specimens

#4 The Product Complaint

Some people, upon death, choose to leave words of wisdom or humor for those who pass by.

The family of Ellen Shannon, however, took the opportunity to leave a little passive aggressive customer feedback on her tombstone.

Shannon was born in Ireland and as a young wife, moved with her husband to Pennsylvania according to Theresa’s Haunted History of the Tri-State.

Found in Girard Cemetery in Erie County, PA, Ellen’s epitaph reads: In Memory of Ellen Shannon Age 26 years who was fatally burned March 21, 1870 by the explosion of a lamp filled with R.E. Danforth’s Non-Explosive Burning Fluid.

She wasn’t the only victim of Danforth’s product, but as far as I can find, hers was the only headstone who chose to point it out!

Epitaph Ellen Shannon

#5 The Angel of Death

The headstone of textile manufacture Joseph Llaudet Soler in the Poblenou Cemetery in Barcelona is almost as unsettling as his epitaph which reads:

“The blood in his veins grows cold. And all strength has gone. Faith has been extolled by his fall into the arms of death. Amen.”

Epitaphs Soler

#6 Beyond coincidence?

Found on a grave marker in Whitby, this particular epitaph tells the story of Francis and Mary Huntroods.

They were both born on the same day in 1600, were married on their birthday, had 12 children together and died on their shared birthday within five hours having just turned 80.

It’s the final two lines of their epitaphs that are most striking, however. “So fit a match, surely never could be; both in their lives, and in their deaths agree.”

Epitaph Huntroods

Photo from Sharenator

#7 A sweet treat

Many have seen this particular epitaph over the years online with the accompanying line, “You’ll get my cookie recipe over my dead body.”

The truth is much sweeter, however.

When Maxine Menster died, her daughter and husband were trying to think of the perfect way to remember their woman who had impacted both of their lives and at the same time memorialize her generosity.

Her daughter finally decided the best way to remember the generous and giving spirit of her mom was to share her famous Christmas Cookie recipe with anyone who happened up her grave.

Epitaph Cookie

#8 Mel Blanc

Mel Blanc voiced 1000s of characters in his career with Warner Bros. cartoons.

He brought to life Bugs Bunny, Foghorn Leghorn, Sylvester the Cat, Wile E. Coyote, and so many more making his work universally recognizable while the man himself might not be.

His epitaph reflects the “Man of 1000 voices” with the simple “That’s All Folks!”

Epitaphs Mel

 

#9 One last insult

I thought this was a joke when I first came across this particular stone, but upon researching I found that John McCaffrey’s tombstone in Notre-Dame-Des-Neiges Cemetery in Montreal, does indeed throw a middle finger at passersby.

I’m not sure if it was meant to be funny or if this guy was just particularly ornery, but his epitaph definitely sticks out once the acrostic is revealed.

Epitaph Acrostic

Photo via Flickr

#10 A practical outlook

I like to think that Edith Christine “Tina” Barlow was the practical sort who had a healthy outlook on life and death.

Her headstone in the Forest City Cemetery in South Portland, Maine certainly seems to point to that.

Epitaph Barlow

Photo via FindAGrave.com

#11 Find the lie

Francis Eileen Diedrich Thatcher only really had one thing to say about being dead, and we’re pretty sure she knows what she’s talking about.

Fran is interred at the Prairie Mound Cemetery in Oregon, Wisconsin.

Epitaph Frances

Photo via FindAGrave.com

#12 Direct Communication

The life of Elijah Bond was, indeed, fascinating. Among other things he did in his life, he was the first person to patent the Ouija board as a mass marketed “game.”

Despite the board’s popularity, Bond disappeared into the obscurity of history and upon his death was interred in an unmarked grave. It stayed that way until about 12 years ago when paranormal research and spirit board collector Robert Murch was finally able to locate Bond’s burial site.

He set to work designing the perfect headstone for Bond and after taking in donations and fundraising, Murch erected a large headstone with a full Ouija board carved into its face.

Creepy? Yes…though I suppose it does make sense. One has to wonder if Bond is the talkative sort, now.

Epitaph Ouija

#13 A horrible end

Martha Jane “Mary” McCune is buried in Cedar City Cemetery in Cedar City, Utah, and her epitaph recounts the final days of her life like something out of a horror movie.

It seems that Mary, who was pregnant at the time, was attacked by a rabid coyote. She began to show symptoms of the disease herself within a month, and well, you can read the rest right on her headstone.

Epitaph Martha

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New Poster Reveal For Nicolas Cage’s Survival Creature Feature ‘Arcadian’ [Trailer]

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Nicolas Cage Arcadian

In the latest cinematic venture featuring Nicolas Cage, Arcadian emerges as a compelling creature feature, teeming with suspense, horror, and emotional depth. RLJE Films has recently released a series of new images and a captivating poster, offering audiences a glimpse into the eerie and thrilling world of “Arcadian”. Scheduled to hit theaters on April 12, 2024, the film will later be available on Shudder and AMC+, ensuring a wide audience can experience its gripping narrative.

Arcadian Movie Trailer

The Motion Picture Association (MPA) has given this film an “R” rating for its “bloody images,” hinting at the visceral and intense experience awaiting viewers. The film draws inspiration from acclaimed horror benchmarks like “A Quiet Place,” weaving a post-apocalyptic tale of a father and his two sons navigating a desolate world. Following a catastrophic event that depopulates the planet, the family faces the dual challenge of surviving their dystopian environment and eluding mysterious nocturnal creatures.

Joining Nicolas Cage in this harrowing journey are Jaeden Martell, known for his role in “IT” (2017), Maxwell Jenkins from “Lost in Space,” and Sadie Soverall, featured in “Fate: The Winx Saga.” Directed by Ben Brewer (“The Trust”) and penned by Mike Nilon (“Braven”), “Arcadian” promises a unique blend of poignant storytelling and electrifying survival horror.

Maxwell Jenkins, Nicolas Cage, and Jaeden Martell 

Critics have already begun to praise “Arcadian” for its imaginative monster designs and exhilarating action sequences, with one review from Bloody Disgusting highlighting the film’s balance between emotional coming-of-age elements and heart-pounding horror. Despite sharing thematic elements with similar genre films, “Arcadian” sets itself apart through its creative approach and action-driven plot, promising a cinematic experience filled with mystery, suspense, and relentless thrills.

Arcadian Official Movie Poster

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‘Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 3’ Is a Go with Enhanced Budget and New Characters

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Winnie the Pooh 3

Wow, they’re churning things out fast! The upcoming sequel “Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 3” is officially moving forward, promising an expanded narrative with a larger budget and the introduction of beloved characters from A.A. Milne’s original tales. As confirmed by Variety, the third installment in the horror franchise will welcome Rabbit, the heffalumps, and the woozles into its dark and twisted narrative.

This sequel is a part of an ambitious cinematic universe that reimagines children’s stories as horror tales. Alongside “Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey” and its first sequel, the universe includes films such as “Peter Pan’s Neverland Nightmare”, “Bambi: The Reckoning,” and “Pinocchio Unstrung”. These movies are set to converge in the crossover event “Poohniverse: Monsters Assemble,” slated for a 2025 release.

Winnie the Pooh Poohniverse

The creation of these films was made possible when A.A. Milne’s 1926 children’s book “Winnie-the-Pooh” entered the public domain last year, allowing filmmakers to explore these cherished characters in unprecedented ways. Director Rhys Frake-Waterfield and producer Scott Jeffrey Chambers, of Jagged Edge Productions, have led the charge in this innovative endeavor.

The inclusion of Rabbit, heffalumps, and woozles in the upcoming sequel introduces a new layer to the franchise. In Milne’s original stories, heffalumps are imagined creatures resembling elephants, while woozles are known for their weasel-like characteristics and a penchant for stealing honey. Their roles in the narrative remain to be seen, but their addition promises to enrich the horror universe with deeper connections to the source material.

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How to Watch ‘Late Night with the Devil’ from Home: Dates and Platforms

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Late Night With The Devil

For fans eager to dive into one of this year’s most talked-about horror films from the comfort of their own home, “Late Night with the Devil” will be available for streaming exclusively on Shudder starting April 19, 2024. This announcement has been highly anticipated following the film’s successful theatrical release by IFC Films, which saw it earning rave reviews and a record-breaking opening weekend for the distributor.

“Late Night with the Devil” emerges as a standout horror film, captivating audiences and critics alike, with Stephen King himself offering high praise for the 1977-set film. Starring David Dastmalchian, the movie unfolds on Halloween night during a live late-night talk show broadcast that disastrously unleashes evil across the nation. This found footage-style film not only delivers scares but also authentically captures the aesthetic of the 1970s, drawing viewers into its nightmarish scenario.

David Dastmalchian in Late Night with the Devil

The film’s initial box office success, opening to $2.8 million in 1,034 theaters, underscores its wide appeal and marks the highest opening weekend for an IFC Films release. Critically acclaimed, “Late Night with the Devil” boasts a 96% positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes from 135 reviews, with the consensus praising it for rejuvenating the possession horror genre and showcasing David Dastmalchian’s exceptional performance.

Rotten Tomatoes score as of 3/28/2024

Simon Rother of iHorror.com encapsulates the film’s allure, emphasizing its immersive quality that transports viewers back to the 1970s, making them feel as if they are part of the eerie “Night Owls” Halloween broadcast. Rother lauds the film for its meticulously crafted script and the emotional and shocking journey it takes viewers on, stating, “This whole experience will have viewers of the Cairnes brothers’ film glued to their screen… The script, from beginning to end, is neatly sewn together with an ending that’ll have jaws on the floor.” You can read the full review here.

Rother further encourages audiences to watch the film, highlighting its multifaceted appeal: “Whenever it is made available to you, you must attempt to view the Cairnes Brothers’ latest project as it will make you laugh, it will creep you out, it will amaze you, and it might even strike an emotional cord.”

Set to stream on Shudder on April 19, 2024, “Late Night with the Devil” offers a compelling blend of horror, history, and heart. This film is not just a must-watch for horror aficionados but for anyone looking to be thoroughly entertained and moved by a cinematic experience that redefines the boundaries of its genre.

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