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HOLIDAY HORRORS: Must-watch Movies for Thanksgiving!
Written by Dr. Jose
Gobble, gobble, you jive-turkeys – it’s November! We may only be one week into the month, but Thanksgiving – that most fowl of holidays – is just around the corner, which means being extra gracious, charitable, and eating lots of foodstuff. If you’re a sick puppy like me, it’s as good a time as any to watch some real twisted junk – so plop down on the couch, unbuckle that belt, and draw the shades as I take you through my list of must-watch horror movies for Thanksgiving that the whole family is guaranteed to love.
Some dude who looks Conway Twitty eats a turkey that’s been laced with experimental drugs. He passes out, but awakes soon afterwards to find that his head has been replaced with that of a wattle-necked gobbler. And suddenly he’s inexplicably addicted to the blood of drug addicts? This movie redefines crazy. There are a bunch of religious overtones (including scenes interspersed throughout wherein the narrator seems to chastise the viewer), and none of it makes much sense – so it’s perfect for that senile, zealot grandma you see once a year.
Twin brothers: one is a homicidal maniac, the other is innocent but locked up after being wrongfully accused of the murders. The guiltless brother escapes on Thanksgiving a decade later, and the crazy brother starts killing people again to make sure the better half gets locked up once more. Your jealous brother – the one who feels like the lesser loved of the two of you – he’s gonna love this one.
This film is all about family – and resisting the urge to brutally murder them. If that doesn’t scream Thanksgiving, I don’t know what does. Add that to all the Native American imagery and the fact that Jack takes over the hotel beginning in November, and I’m beginning to think this movie is actually an allegory for the horrors of Thanksgiving dinner with the family. Eat that, conspiracy theorists! The Shining is perfect for that uncle who likes to spend more time in the den with a bottle of scotch than with his wife and kid.
All your mom wants to be is a contributing member of the neighborhood and respected by the community. Go to a couple of dinners, be invited to some parties. Maybe do a little shunting with the melty family up the street. Is that so much to ask?
Body By Jake is a ‘roided up escaped mental patient who likes to inject PCP under his tongue – you know the type. There’s little plot to Home Sweet Home, our lead killer basically just wreaks havoc on Thanksgiving – in the process, mowing down an old lady with a car and killing a dude who looks like a second-hand member of the KISS Army. Not cool, Jake – not cool, at all. A perfect movie for your other uncle – the one who started going to the gym after his wife left him.
There’s little difference between the clan of strange cousins you know nothing about and only see once a year, and Isaac, Malachai, and the rest of those Pagan weirdos who worship He Who Walks Behind the Rows. A bunch of little Amish kids hanging out in a cornfield? This is about as Thanksgiving as it gets.
And last, but certainly not least – the ultimate family film – The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. No one appreciates family time around the dinner table for a nice hot meal more than the Sawyer clan. And if that hot meal just so happens to consist of the friends who stopped by to visit, well, so be it.
That’s all for now, but if you’re still hungry for more holiday gore after reading this list, why not make a plate of seconds and check out these other iHorror pieces on Thanksgiving horror!
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Movies
Part Concert, Part Horror Movie M. Night Shyamalan’s ‘Trap’ Trailer Released
In true Shyamalan form, he sets his film Trap inside a social situation where we aren’t sure what is going on. Hopefully, there is a twist at the end. Furthermore, we hope it’s better than the one in his divisive 2021 movie Old.
The trailer seemingly gives away a lot, but, as in the past, you can’t rely on his trailers because they are often red herrings and you are being gaslit to think a certain way. For instance, his movie Knock at the Cabin was completely different than what the trailer implied and if you hadn’t read the book on which the film is based it was still like going in blind.
The plot for Trap is being dubbed an “experience” and we aren’t quite sure what that means. If we were to guess based on the trailer, it’s a concert movie wrapped around a horror mystery. There are original songs performed by Saleka, who plays Lady Raven, a kind of Taylor Swift/Lady Gaga hybrid. They have even set up a Lady Raven website to further the illusion.
Here is the fresh trailer:
According to the synopsis, a father takes his daughter to one of Lady Raven’s jam-packed concerts, “where they realize they’re at the center of a dark and sinister event.”
Written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan, Trap stars Josh Hartnett, Ariel Donoghue, Saleka Shyamalan, Hayley Mills and Allison Pill. The film is produced by Ashwin Rajan, Marc Bienstock and M. Night Shyamalan. The executive producer is Steven Schneider.
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News
Woman Brings Corpse Into Bank To Sign Loan Papers
Warning: This is a disturbing story.
You have to be pretty desperate for money to do what this Brazilian woman did at the bank to get a loan. She wheeled in a fresh corpse to endorse the contract and she seemingly thought the bank employees wouldn’t notice. They did.
This weird and disturbing story comes via ScreenGeek an entertainment digital publication. They write that a woman identified as Erika de Souza Vieira Nunes pushed a man she identified as her uncle into the bank pleading with him to sign loan papers for $3,400.
If you’re squeamish or easily triggered, be aware that the video captured of the situation is disturbing.
Latin America’s largest commercial network, TV Globo, reported on the crime, and according to ScreenGeek this is what Nunes says in Portuguese during the attempted transaction.
“Uncle, are you paying attention? You must sign [the loan contract]. If you don’t sign, there’s no way, as I cannot sign on your behalf!”
She then adds: “Sign so you can spare me further headaches; I can’t bear it any longer.”
At first we thought this might be a hoax, but according to Brazilian police, the uncle, 68-year-old Paulo Roberto Braga had passed away earlier that day.
“She attempted to feign his signature for the loan. He entered the bank already deceased,” Police Chief Fábio Luiz said in an interview with TV Globo. “Our priority is to continue investigating to identify other family members and gather more information regarding this loan.”
If convicted Nunes could be facing jail time on charges of fraud, embezzlement, and desecration of a corpse.
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News
Spirit Halloween Unleashes Life-Size ‘Ghostbusters’ Terror Dog
Halfway to Halloween and the licensed merch is already being released for the holiday. For instance, the seasonal retailer giant Spirit Halloween unveiled their giant Ghostbusters Terror Dog for the first time this year.
The one-of-a-kind demonic dog has eyes that light up in a glowing, terrifying red. It’s going to set you back a whopping $599.99.
Since this year we saw the release of Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire, it’s probably going to be a popular theme come October. Spirit Halloween is embracing their inner Venkman with other releases tied to the franchise such as the LED Ghostbuster Ghost Trap, Ghostbusters Walkie Talkie, Life-Size Replica Proton Pack.
We saw the release of other horror props today. Home Depot unveiled a few pieces from their line which includes the signature giant skeleton and separate dog companion.
For the latest Halloween merch and updates get on over to Spirit Halloween and see what else they have to offer to make your neighbors jealous this season. But for now, enjoy a small video that features scenes from this classic cinematic canine.
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