Leave it to Funny or Die to turn a heartwarming tale of a boy and his best friend into something completely (and epic-ally) different altogether.

The Disney release of Pete’s Dragon tells the tale of an orphaned boy who has apparently lived alone in the woods for the past six years. Before you stop to ask yourself how that would even be possible, keep in mind that Pete wasn’t alone at all. Elliot, the boy’s best mate, happens to be a large, winged beast who can breathe fire. We can’t confirm that Elliot is a descendant of Drogon, but as you probably guessed from the film’s title, Elliot is, in fact, a dragon.

Well, those woods that little Pete roamed must have been near Camp Crystal Lake according to the collective mind of Funny or Die.

And why not? If there’s one thing we know for certain about Jason Voorhees, it’s that he doesn’t harm children because he drown as one himself.

What we haven’t seen before, however (and has been laid out so hysterically with this trailer mash-up), is the masked marauder as protector of children.

So, before we drop the trailer, a quick review: Don’t mess with Jason’s momma, have premarital sex, drink or do drugs or now, threaten a boy named Pete.

If you never thought the day would come when you’d seen Robert Redford sharing the screen with Jason, do we have a treat for you.

Behold, Pete’s Jason.