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The Movie Monsters That Ruined Your Childhood

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I was never taught ‘Stranger Danger’ when I was a kid. After the first few years spent raising an overly obnoxious child, my parents seemed to adopt a very “que sera, sera” attitude with regards to my health and safety. I was so busy being a walking ball of annoyance myself, that I don’t think I ever realized what true terror was until I was introduced to movie monsters that were decidedly different than the kooks Scooby-Doo routinely tangled with.

I know, I know. People are scary because they’re real. But for me, and I’m sure plenty of other horror fans out there, the scariest stars will always be the unknown, un-nameable things. The things that never were and never will be human. This list is for those who both delight and despair in our creature features, and who know exactly what I mean when I say I check under my bed every night praying the noise I heard was simply an axe murderer and there will only be two eyes staring back at me.

Let’s take a look at some of the stuff that kills childhood.

It

pennywise

 

Pennywise is an obvious choice when talking about the destruction of childhood, what with his main choice of victim being children and all. Clowns are pretty damn ass scary on their own, but Pennywise is no ordinary clown. It knows what you fear most, and It gleefully takes advantage of that in the most horrifying of ways. As the movie or book (pick your medium) progresses into terrifying madness, I don’t think anyone was surprised that Stan took his own life rather than again face Pennywise the Clown/Bob Gray/Eater of Worlds–It.

The Thing

thething

 

Definitely one that makes you want to barricade yourself in your house for a decade or two. The Thing’s ability to replicate is unnerving to say the least, and the idea of not being able to trust anyone who isn’t actively sporting an earring or blatantly showcasing their fillings makes me sweat. Plus, it isn’t like the killings in this movie are quick and efficient! There’s a good amount of blood and pain and fire and darkness ’cause they’re in Antarctica and ugh just talking about The Thing gets my heart rate up so high that I’m ready to move on right now.

Gremlins

deargodsaveus

 

“But that’s not even a horror movie!” I can already hear the indignant taps of your fingers typing out the most obvious complaint to this choice. Well, IMDB classifies this as a horror, and that’s good enough for me, because to this day, Gremlins is the ONLY movie I cannot watch. Just thinking about having to add a picture to this one is making me feel physically ill. There is something so unspeakably wrong about those freakin’ creatures that I just do not understand how dumbass Billy took one look at Gizmo and didn’t throw him in the fireplace. Yeah, that’s right. I don’t find anything about Gizmo cute and fluffy, and frankly every character’s inability to see what obvious Hell spawn these things were right from the get-go makes me wish the whole cast was killed off. Because that’s how people learn.

Pazuzu

reganexorcist

There’s no lack of demons to pick from, but I felt the demon that (arguably) started it all was the best choice. For some reason, I’ve met more than a handful of horror fans that cited ‘The Exorcist’ as their very first horror movie. Lax parenting, I tell ya.  Besides being such a significant film genre- and studio-wise, the demon from ‘The Exorcist’ is one of the more intense demons I’ve ever seen portrayed. The staircase scene from ‘Annabelle’ had a lot of us on the edge of our seat, and that jump scare in ‘Insidious’ with the demon face elicited gasps from around the theater, but in what other movie have you seen a possessed child do the things Regan did? Masturbating with the crucifix and then shoving her mother’s face into the blood….that’s hardcore, especially for a movie from 1973.

Cujo

cujo

I didn’t know how to feel when I finally sat down and watched this movie. I love dogs! Love dogs, hate people, this should have been right up my alley. But wow…Cujo was maybe a tad scary? I mean, put yourself in Donna’s shoes and suddenly you’re faced with man’s best friend being completely unfriendly, and that is confusing stuff. It’s like eating so much ice cream you throw up, and you’re like, “hey man, wait a second. Ice cream isn’t supposed to do that.”

Jaws

jaws

Whether you have a natural (and entirely healthy, thank you very much) fear of sharks or not, Jaws is a scary son of a bitch! You can’t deny this movie had a powerful effect on audiences. With over 67 million Americans seeing ‘Jaws’ the summer it was released, the first blockbuster was affecting up to 43% of viewers with a long standing fear of the ocean. If you can go swimming without hearing the iconic, ominous score playing in your head, congratulations; you’re a freak who’s never seen the movie.

The Blob

theblob

I just have to throw this one out there–I had issues with bubblegum for a long time after seeing this. I know The Blob was not bubblegum, I know bubblegum cannot turn around and chew ME…but I was a kid, ok?

Alien

alienfacegrabber

Always a fun one, and always a title that inevitably comes up when people discuss their most traumatic childhood movie. I’m not saying it wasn’t good, I’m saying it was so good that the long lasting effects of that chest-burster scene are the reason I don’t have any kids. A parasite growing inside me until it becomes too big and forces its way out? No thanks; I saw what happened to Kane.

This list is by no means all inclusive (I had one shamefaced suggestion for ‘Leprechaun,’ but I assume after ‘Gremlins’ made the list my credibility is already fast declining), but these are certainly the monsters that instilled in me the practice of checking my closet every night before I get into bed. I hope, for your sake, you’ll do the same tonight.

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‘Strange Darling’ Featuring Kyle Gallner and Willa Fitzgerald Lands Nationwide Release [Watch Clip]

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Strange Darling Kyle Gallner

‘Strange Darling,’ a standout film featuring Kyle Gallner, who is nominated for an iHorror award for his performance in ‘The Passenger,’ and Willa Fitzgerald, has been acquired for a wide theatrical release in the United States by Magenta Light Studios, a new enterprise from veteran producer Bob Yari. This announcement, brought to us by Variety, follows the film’s successful premiere at Fantastic Fest in 2023, where it was universally praised for its creative storytelling and compelling performances, achieving a perfect score of 100% Fresh on Rotten Tomatoes from 14 reviews.

Strange Darling – Movie Clip

Directed by JT Mollner, ‘Strange Darling‘ is a thrilling narrative of a spontaneous hookup that takes an unexpected and terrifying turn. The film is notable for its innovative narrative structure and the exceptional acting of its leads. Mollner, known for his 2016 Sundance entry “Outlaws and Angels,” has once again employed 35mm for this project, cementing his reputation as a filmmaker with a distinct visual and narrative style. He is currently involved in adapting Stephen King’s novel “The Long Walk” in collaboration with director Francis Lawrence.

Bob Yari expressed his enthusiasm for the film’s upcoming release, scheduled for August 23rd, highlighting the unique qualities that make ‘Strange Darling’ a significant addition to the horror genre. “We are thrilled to be bringing nationwide theatrical audiences this unique and exceptional film with terrific performances by Willa Fitzgerald and Kyle Gallner. This second feature from talented writer-director JT Mollner is destined to become a cult classic that defies conventional storytelling,” Yari told Variety.

Variety’s review of the film from Fantastic Fest lauds Mollner’s approach, saying, “Mollner shows himself to be more forward-thinking than most of his genre peers. He’s clearly a student of the game, one who studied his forebears’ lessons with adroitness to better prepare himself to put his own mark on them.” This praise underlines Mollner’s deliberate and thoughtful engagement with the genre, promising audiences a film that is both reflective and innovative.

Strange Darling

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Sydney Sweeney’s ‘Barbarella’ Revival Forges Ahead

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Sydney Sweeney Barbarella

Sydney Sweeney has confirmed the ongoing progress of the much-anticipated reboot of Barbarella. The project, which sees Sweeney not only starring but also executive producing, aims to breathe new life into the iconic character that first captured audiences’ imaginations in the 1960s. However, amid speculation, Sweeney remains tight-lipped about the possible involvement of celebrated director Edgar Wright in the project.

During her appearance on the Happy Sad Confused podcast, Sweeney shared her enthusiasm for the project and the character of Barbarella, stating, “It is. I mean, Barbarella is just such a fun character to explore. She really just embraces her femininity and her sexuality, and I love that. She uses sex as a weapon and I think it’s such an interesting way into a sci-fi world. I’ve always wanted to do sci-fi. So we’ll see what happens.“

Sydney Sweeney confirms her Barbarella reboot is still in the works

Barbarella, originally a creation of Jean-Claude Forest for V Magazine in 1962, was transformed into a cinematic icon by Jane Fonda under the direction of Roger Vardim in 1968. Despite a sequel, Barbarella Goes Down, never seeing the light of day, the character has remained a symbol of sci-fi allure and adventurous spirit.

Over the decades, several high-profile names including Rose McGowan, Halle Berry, and Kate Beckinsale were floated as potential leads for a reboot, with directors Robert Rodriguez and Robert Luketic, and writers Neal Purvis and Robert Wade previously attached to revive the franchise. Unfortunately, none of these iterations made it past the conceptual stage.

Barbarella

The film’s progress took a promising turn approximately eighteen months ago when Sony Pictures announced its decision to cast Sydney Sweeney in the titular role, a move that Sweeney herself has suggested was facilitated by her involvement in Madame Web, also under Sony’s banner. This strategic decision was aimed at fostering a beneficial relationship with the studio, specifically with the Barbarella reboot in mind.

When probed about Edgar Wright’s potential directorial role, Sweeney adeptly sidestepped, merely noting that Wright has become an acquaintance. This has left fans and industry watchers speculating about the extent of his involvement, if any, in the project.

Barbarella is known for its adventurous tales of a young woman traversing the galaxy, engaging in escapades that often incorporate elements of sexuality—a theme Sweeney seems eager to explore. Her commitment to reimagining Barbarella for a new generation, while staying true to the character’s original essence, sounds like the making of a great reboot.

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‘The First Omen’ Almost Received an NC-17 Rating

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the first omen trailer

Set for an April 5 theater release, ‘The First Omen’ carries an R-rating, a classification that was almost not achieved. Arkasha Stevenson, in her inaugural feature film directorial role, faced a formidable challenge in securing this rating for the prequel to the esteemed franchise. It seems the filmmakers had to contend with the ratings board to prevent the film from being saddled with an NC-17 rating. In a revealing conversation with Fangoria, Stevenson described the ordeal as ‘a long battle’, one not waged over traditional concerns such as gore. Instead, the crux of the controversy centered around the depiction of the female anatomy.

Stevenson’s vision for “The First Omen” delves deep into the theme of dehumanization, particularly through the lens of forced birthing. “The horror in that situation is how dehumanized that woman is”, Stevenson explains, emphasizing the significance of presenting the female body in a non-sexualized light to address themes of forced reproduction authentically. This commitment to realism nearly landed the film an NC-17 rating, sparking a prolonged negotiation with the MPA. “This has been my life for a year and a half, fighting for the shot. It’s the theme of our film. It’s the female body being violated from the inside outwards”, she states, highlighting the importance of the scene to the film’s core message.

The First Omen Movie Poster – by Creepy Duck Design

Producers David Goyer and Keith Levine supported Stevenson’s battle, encountering what they perceived as a double standard in the ratings process. Levine reveals, “We had to go back and forth with the ratings board five times. Weirdly, avoiding the NC-17 made it more intense”, pointing out how the struggle with the ratings board inadvertently intensified the final product. Goyer adds, “There is more permissiveness when dealing with male protagonists, particularly in body horror”, suggesting a gender bias in how body horror is evaluated.

The film’s bold approach to challenging viewers’ perceptions extends beyond the ratings controversy. Co-writer Tim Smith notes the intention to subvert expectations traditionally associated with The Omen franchise, aiming to surprise audiences with a fresh narrative focus. “One of the big things we were excited to do was to kind of pull the rug out from under people’s expectations”, Smith says, underscoring the creative team’s desire to explore new thematic ground.

Nell Tiger Free, known for her role in “Servant”, leads the cast of “The First Omen”, set for release by 20th Century Studios on April 5. The movie follows a young American woman dispatched to Rome for church service, where she stumbles upon a sinister force that shakes her faith to its core and reveals a chilling plot aimed at summoning evil incarnate.

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