There’s nothing better than a horror movie in the theater. The surround sound, the giant screen and comfy chairs. The movie is building up to a scare and the whole theater can feel it. The tension is mounting, the killer is ready to make his move when-
“Sorry, excuse me, excuse me, just gonna squeeze past you.”
Are you goddamn kidding me?! The moment comes crashing down faster than a hatchet through a skullcap.
Want to make sure you never do this to any of your fellow innocent movie goers? Read on and learn some handy dandy movie theater etiquette.
Know When to Pick an Aisle Seat
Do you know you get up to use the bathroom a lot? Will you be frequenting the concession stand? Did you bring small children to the new Halloween movie (if so please see my next point)? Are you late to the movie?
If any of these apply to you, please sit close to the aisle. No one likes having to get up a bunch of times or having you awkwardly shuffle your ass in front of their face as you come and go. It’s distracting and uncomfortable for everyone involved.
Don’t Bring Your Children to a Scary Movie
I mean, this should go without saying, right? I get that babysitters are expensive and you think they won’t know what’s going on anyway and you really want to see the movie, but come on.
Movies are an increasingly expensive night out and I don’t want to hear your child start crying if the movie is too scary, or giggling at a scary movie sex scene. Also, scary movies probably aren’t the best thing for your kid to be watching. Unless you want them writing for iHorror when they grow up.
Shut the Hell Up
Gasps, exclamations, and screams are all welcome at scary movies. But talking to the characters on screen and whispering to your friends are party fouls. If I hear you yell “He’s behind you!”, guess what. I’ll be behind you. Dumping my soda over your head.
Yes, I Can See You Texting
Don’t be that guy. Even if you dim the brightness on your screen, I can still see you and so can everyone else. If someone texts you and you can’t stop wondering what it could be, duck down and give it a quick glance under your jacket to ease your mind.
Emergency? Leave. No? Don’t engage in a conversation. Pretty simple. And save the Facebook check in for after the film.
Keep the PDA to a Minumum
Hand holding and cuddling at a scary movie is one of life’s simple pleasures. But for the love of God no one wants to hear you sucking face. That’s not the kind of fear and disgust we’re looking for at the movies.
Leave Only Footprints
Did you enjoy your large popcorn, nachos and soda? Great! Show your appreciation by throwing your empties in the trash instead of leaving them for your fellow movie goers to kick over and trip on as they leave the aisle. The poor kid sweeping up the theater is going to be there long enough sweeping all those kernels you dropped by accident, don’t add more on top of it.
If you can abide by these basic rules of movie theater etiquette, congratulations! You’re a pillar of movie morals. Please feel free to see a movie in the same theater as me any time. If you can’t abide by these rules, I hear our local libraries have DVDs.
What’s your worst experience with someone breaking the unwritten rules of the movie theater? Let us know in the comments and remember, don’t be that guy!