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The Movie Monsters That Ruined Your Childhood

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I was never taught ‘Stranger Danger’ when I was a kid. After the first few years spent raising an overly obnoxious child, my parents seemed to adopt a very “que sera, sera” attitude with regards to my health and safety. I was so busy being a walking ball of annoyance myself, that I don’t think I ever realized what true terror was until I was introduced to movie monsters that were decidedly different than the kooks Scooby-Doo routinely tangled with.

I know, I know. People are scary because they’re real. But for me, and I’m sure plenty of other horror fans out there, the scariest stars will always be the unknown, un-nameable things. The things that never were and never will be human. This list is for those who both delight and despair in our creature features, and who know exactly what I mean when I say I check under my bed every night praying the noise I heard was simply an axe murderer and there will only be two eyes staring back at me.

Let’s take a look at some of the stuff that kills childhood.

It

pennywise

 

Pennywise is an obvious choice when talking about the destruction of childhood, what with his main choice of victim being children and all. Clowns are pretty damn ass scary on their own, but Pennywise is no ordinary clown. It knows what you fear most, and It gleefully takes advantage of that in the most horrifying of ways. As the movie or book (pick your medium) progresses into terrifying madness, I don’t think anyone was surprised that Stan took his own life rather than again face Pennywise the Clown/Bob Gray/Eater of Worlds–It.

The Thing

thething

 

Definitely one that makes you want to barricade yourself in your house for a decade or two. The Thing’s ability to replicate is unnerving to say the least, and the idea of not being able to trust anyone who isn’t actively sporting an earring or blatantly showcasing their fillings makes me sweat. Plus, it isn’t like the killings in this movie are quick and efficient! There’s a good amount of blood and pain and fire and darkness ’cause they’re in Antarctica and ugh just talking about The Thing gets my heart rate up so high that I’m ready to move on right now.

Gremlins

deargodsaveus

 

“But that’s not even a horror movie!” I can already hear the indignant taps of your fingers typing out the most obvious complaint to this choice. Well, IMDB classifies this as a horror, and that’s good enough for me, because to this day, Gremlins is the ONLY movie I cannot watch. Just thinking about having to add a picture to this one is making me feel physically ill. There is something so unspeakably wrong about those freakin’ creatures that I just do not understand how dumbass Billy took one look at Gizmo and didn’t throw him in the fireplace. Yeah, that’s right. I don’t find anything about Gizmo cute and fluffy, and frankly every character’s inability to see what obvious Hell spawn these things were right from the get-go makes me wish the whole cast was killed off. Because that’s how people learn.

Pazuzu

reganexorcist

There’s no lack of demons to pick from, but I felt the demon that (arguably) started it all was the best choice. For some reason, I’ve met more than a handful of horror fans that cited ‘The Exorcist’ as their very first horror movie. Lax parenting, I tell ya.  Besides being such a significant film genre- and studio-wise, the demon from ‘The Exorcist’ is one of the more intense demons I’ve ever seen portrayed. The staircase scene from ‘Annabelle’ had a lot of us on the edge of our seat, and that jump scare in ‘Insidious’ with the demon face elicited gasps from around the theater, but in what other movie have you seen a possessed child do the things Regan did? Masturbating with the crucifix and then shoving her mother’s face into the blood….that’s hardcore, especially for a movie from 1973.

Cujo

cujo

I didn’t know how to feel when I finally sat down and watched this movie. I love dogs! Love dogs, hate people, this should have been right up my alley. But wow…Cujo was maybe a tad scary? I mean, put yourself in Donna’s shoes and suddenly you’re faced with man’s best friend being completely unfriendly, and that is confusing stuff. It’s like eating so much ice cream you throw up, and you’re like, “hey man, wait a second. Ice cream isn’t supposed to do that.”

Jaws

jaws

Whether you have a natural (and entirely healthy, thank you very much) fear of sharks or not, Jaws is a scary son of a bitch! You can’t deny this movie had a powerful effect on audiences. With over 67 million Americans seeing ‘Jaws’ the summer it was released, the first blockbuster was affecting up to 43% of viewers with a long standing fear of the ocean. If you can go swimming without hearing the iconic, ominous score playing in your head, congratulations; you’re a freak who’s never seen the movie.

The Blob

theblob

I just have to throw this one out there–I had issues with bubblegum for a long time after seeing this. I know The Blob was not bubblegum, I know bubblegum cannot turn around and chew ME…but I was a kid, ok?

Alien

alienfacegrabber

Always a fun one, and always a title that inevitably comes up when people discuss their most traumatic childhood movie. I’m not saying it wasn’t good, I’m saying it was so good that the long lasting effects of that chest-burster scene are the reason I don’t have any kids. A parasite growing inside me until it becomes too big and forces its way out? No thanks; I saw what happened to Kane.

This list is by no means all inclusive (I had one shamefaced suggestion for ‘Leprechaun,’ but I assume after ‘Gremlins’ made the list my credibility is already fast declining), but these are certainly the monsters that instilled in me the practice of checking my closet every night before I get into bed. I hope, for your sake, you’ll do the same tonight.

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New Poster Reveal For Nicolas Cage’s Survival Creature Feature ‘Arcadian’ [Trailer]

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Nicolas Cage Arcadian

In the latest cinematic venture featuring Nicolas Cage, Arcadian emerges as a compelling creature feature, teeming with suspense, horror, and emotional depth. RLJE Films has recently released a series of new images and a captivating poster, offering audiences a glimpse into the eerie and thrilling world of “Arcadian”. Scheduled to hit theaters on April 12, 2024, the film will later be available on Shudder and AMC+, ensuring a wide audience can experience its gripping narrative.

Arcadian Movie Trailer

The Motion Picture Association (MPA) has given this film an “R” rating for its “bloody images,” hinting at the visceral and intense experience awaiting viewers. The film draws inspiration from acclaimed horror benchmarks like “A Quiet Place,” weaving a post-apocalyptic tale of a father and his two sons navigating a desolate world. Following a catastrophic event that depopulates the planet, the family faces the dual challenge of surviving their dystopian environment and eluding mysterious nocturnal creatures.

Joining Nicolas Cage in this harrowing journey are Jaeden Martell, known for his role in “IT” (2017), Maxwell Jenkins from “Lost in Space,” and Sadie Soverall, featured in “Fate: The Winx Saga.” Directed by Ben Brewer (“The Trust”) and penned by Mike Nilon (“Braven”), “Arcadian” promises a unique blend of poignant storytelling and electrifying survival horror.

Maxwell Jenkins, Nicolas Cage, and Jaeden Martell 

Critics have already begun to praise “Arcadian” for its imaginative monster designs and exhilarating action sequences, with one review from Bloody Disgusting highlighting the film’s balance between emotional coming-of-age elements and heart-pounding horror. Despite sharing thematic elements with similar genre films, “Arcadian” sets itself apart through its creative approach and action-driven plot, promising a cinematic experience filled with mystery, suspense, and relentless thrills.

Arcadian Official Movie Poster

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‘Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 3’ Is a Go with Enhanced Budget and New Characters

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Winnie the Pooh 3

Wow, they’re churning things out fast! The upcoming sequel “Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 3” is officially moving forward, promising an expanded narrative with a larger budget and the introduction of beloved characters from A.A. Milne’s original tales. As confirmed by Variety, the third installment in the horror franchise will welcome Rabbit, the heffalumps, and the woozles into its dark and twisted narrative.

This sequel is a part of an ambitious cinematic universe that reimagines children’s stories as horror tales. Alongside “Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey” and its first sequel, the universe includes films such as “Peter Pan’s Neverland Nightmare”, “Bambi: The Reckoning,” and “Pinocchio Unstrung”. These movies are set to converge in the crossover event “Poohniverse: Monsters Assemble,” slated for a 2025 release.

Winnie the Pooh Poohniverse

The creation of these films was made possible when A.A. Milne’s 1926 children’s book “Winnie-the-Pooh” entered the public domain last year, allowing filmmakers to explore these cherished characters in unprecedented ways. Director Rhys Frake-Waterfield and producer Scott Jeffrey Chambers, of Jagged Edge Productions, have led the charge in this innovative endeavor.

The inclusion of Rabbit, heffalumps, and woozles in the upcoming sequel introduces a new layer to the franchise. In Milne’s original stories, heffalumps are imagined creatures resembling elephants, while woozles are known for their weasel-like characteristics and a penchant for stealing honey. Their roles in the narrative remain to be seen, but their addition promises to enrich the horror universe with deeper connections to the source material.

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How to Watch ‘Late Night with the Devil’ from Home: Dates and Platforms

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Late Night With The Devil

For fans eager to dive into one of this year’s most talked-about horror films from the comfort of their own home, “Late Night with the Devil” will be available for streaming exclusively on Shudder starting April 19, 2024. This announcement has been highly anticipated following the film’s successful theatrical release by IFC Films, which saw it earning rave reviews and a record-breaking opening weekend for the distributor.

“Late Night with the Devil” emerges as a standout horror film, captivating audiences and critics alike, with Stephen King himself offering high praise for the 1977-set film. Starring David Dastmalchian, the movie unfolds on Halloween night during a live late-night talk show broadcast that disastrously unleashes evil across the nation. This found footage-style film not only delivers scares but also authentically captures the aesthetic of the 1970s, drawing viewers into its nightmarish scenario.

David Dastmalchian in Late Night with the Devil

The film’s initial box office success, opening to $2.8 million in 1,034 theaters, underscores its wide appeal and marks the highest opening weekend for an IFC Films release. Critically acclaimed, “Late Night with the Devil” boasts a 96% positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes from 135 reviews, with the consensus praising it for rejuvenating the possession horror genre and showcasing David Dastmalchian’s exceptional performance.

Rotten Tomatoes score as of 3/28/2024

Simon Rother of iHorror.com encapsulates the film’s allure, emphasizing its immersive quality that transports viewers back to the 1970s, making them feel as if they are part of the eerie “Night Owls” Halloween broadcast. Rother lauds the film for its meticulously crafted script and the emotional and shocking journey it takes viewers on, stating, “This whole experience will have viewers of the Cairnes brothers’ film glued to their screen… The script, from beginning to end, is neatly sewn together with an ending that’ll have jaws on the floor.” You can read the full review here.

Rother further encourages audiences to watch the film, highlighting its multifaceted appeal: “Whenever it is made available to you, you must attempt to view the Cairnes Brothers’ latest project as it will make you laugh, it will creep you out, it will amaze you, and it might even strike an emotional cord.”

Set to stream on Shudder on April 19, 2024, “Late Night with the Devil” offers a compelling blend of horror, history, and heart. This film is not just a must-watch for horror aficionados but for anyone looking to be thoroughly entertained and moved by a cinematic experience that redefines the boundaries of its genre.

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