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Let’s Face The Facts: The Easter Bunny is Truly Terrifying

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Easter Bunny

Easter is a beautiful time of year, signaling the beginning of spring and an end to the long dark winter.  Days filled with extra sunshine, birds chirping, flowers blooming, and the dreaded arrival of the Easter Bunny.

Like many of you, I was introduced to the thought of a Rabbit delivering me some yummy candy at a very young age.  Do you remember your very first visit to get an awkward mall photo with the Easter Bunny? Did you run up for a hug, or were you dragged to his lap, kicking and screaming?

Some of us were blessed with cute fluffy bunnies with rosy cheeks and a welcoming smile. Others had the unfortunate luck of being greeted by something similar to the monstrosity below.

I believe most people my age have a picture of themselves sitting on the lap of a horrifying creature like this.  How our parents, or anyone in their right mind, would have thought this would be a good idea is beyond me. Imagine being little and staring up at a 6’ rabbit with giant hands, creepy eyes and sharp teeth!!!!

That won’t scar a kid for life at all.

via My Mother (Wasn’t I adorable? Apologies for having to view my brother’s pants)

Take another peek at the image above.  Do you see it? Look closer (No, not at the pants, people. Look at the Rabbit).

See the big black sockets where the eyes should be.  This is the portal to hell from which the Easter Bunny came. If you stare long enough you will be transported there, never to be seen again.

I taught my children early on to maintain minimal eye contact for their own protection. If only they had listened. God, I still miss little Timmy.

via Twitter

Lucky for us, kids can sense evil.  That is why screams of terror can be heard resonating throughout every shopping mall in America this month.

You see, kids don’t actually want to see the Easter Bunny. Their parents want them to see the Easter Bunny. Children are smart enough to not trade their soul in exchange for some jelly beans.

Seriously, who eats that crap anyways? Plus, lets try not to think of where those eggs actually come from. It’s not like the Easter Bunny has a magic sack like Santa. You know there is only one logical place they can come from, right?

via Pic Sauce

Just to be sure of my theory, I took a quick survey at my local preschool. The general consensus was that kids are getting “sick of our shit” with the whole “Let’s go see the Easter Bunny” thing.

The children all swore that there would be retaliation in the form of a “special gift in our Huggies” for any parent forcing them to visit the bunny this year.  I am serious people; listen to your little bundles of joy! Don’t you know the children are our future?

(Disclaimer:  There was no actual survey; it was a preschool for Christ’s sake.  I just love making stuff up. I can say, however, the teacher did not seem to like me at all.  She kept saying stuff like “get out of here before I call the cops” and that “I am no longer permitted back in the school”. Then she was going on about how I was a “terrible person for frightening the small children”.  I personally think she was overreacting.)

 

via The Horror Dome

Please parents, take this article as a public service.  Do not subject your beautiful spawn to the dead-behind-the-eyes, razor-sharp teeth-having, child-devouring Easter Bunny.  I am honestly surprised we don’t see colony of them driving around in white vans telling the kids they have candy and puppies.

Easter Bunnies are just fluffy balls of concentrated evil.

So please, make sure to get the kids some good candy this year. No more of this Peeps and Jelly Bean bullshit.  Like, the good chocolate that you eat in the bathroom or closet while hiding from your kids so you don’t have to share.

(Fun Fact: A group of rabbits is called a colony or nest.  There you go, getting a little free education from yours truly. You’re welcome.)

Did your kids love or hate the Easter Bunny? Did the bunny ever give you a bit of the creeps? Tell us in the comments below.  While you are at it, let us know what candy you are hoping to find in your basket this year!

From the whole iHorror family, Happy Easter to you and yours!

 

Want to learn about the scariest Easter Bunny of all? Click Here for the pure nightmare fuel that is the Jesus Bunny from Holidays!

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New Poster Reveal For Nicolas Cage’s Survival Creature Feature ‘Arcadian’ [Trailer]

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Nicolas Cage Arcadian

In the latest cinematic venture featuring Nicolas Cage, Arcadian emerges as a compelling creature feature, teeming with suspense, horror, and emotional depth. RLJE Films has recently released a series of new images and a captivating poster, offering audiences a glimpse into the eerie and thrilling world of “Arcadian”. Scheduled to hit theaters on April 12, 2024, the film will later be available on Shudder and AMC+, ensuring a wide audience can experience its gripping narrative.

Arcadian Movie Trailer

The Motion Picture Association (MPA) has given this film an “R” rating for its “bloody images,” hinting at the visceral and intense experience awaiting viewers. The film draws inspiration from acclaimed horror benchmarks like “A Quiet Place,” weaving a post-apocalyptic tale of a father and his two sons navigating a desolate world. Following a catastrophic event that depopulates the planet, the family faces the dual challenge of surviving their dystopian environment and eluding mysterious nocturnal creatures.

Joining Nicolas Cage in this harrowing journey are Jaeden Martell, known for his role in “IT” (2017), Maxwell Jenkins from “Lost in Space,” and Sadie Soverall, featured in “Fate: The Winx Saga.” Directed by Ben Brewer (“The Trust”) and penned by Mike Nilon (“Braven”), “Arcadian” promises a unique blend of poignant storytelling and electrifying survival horror.

Maxwell Jenkins, Nicolas Cage, and Jaeden Martell 

Critics have already begun to praise “Arcadian” for its imaginative monster designs and exhilarating action sequences, with one review from Bloody Disgusting highlighting the film’s balance between emotional coming-of-age elements and heart-pounding horror. Despite sharing thematic elements with similar genre films, “Arcadian” sets itself apart through its creative approach and action-driven plot, promising a cinematic experience filled with mystery, suspense, and relentless thrills.

Arcadian Official Movie Poster

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‘Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 3’ Is a Go with Enhanced Budget and New Characters

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Winnie the Pooh 3

Wow, they’re churning things out fast! The upcoming sequel “Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 3” is officially moving forward, promising an expanded narrative with a larger budget and the introduction of beloved characters from A.A. Milne’s original tales. As confirmed by Variety, the third installment in the horror franchise will welcome Rabbit, the heffalumps, and the woozles into its dark and twisted narrative.

This sequel is a part of an ambitious cinematic universe that reimagines children’s stories as horror tales. Alongside “Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey” and its first sequel, the universe includes films such as “Peter Pan’s Neverland Nightmare”, “Bambi: The Reckoning,” and “Pinocchio Unstrung”. These movies are set to converge in the crossover event “Poohniverse: Monsters Assemble,” slated for a 2025 release.

Winnie the Pooh Poohniverse

The creation of these films was made possible when A.A. Milne’s 1926 children’s book “Winnie-the-Pooh” entered the public domain last year, allowing filmmakers to explore these cherished characters in unprecedented ways. Director Rhys Frake-Waterfield and producer Scott Jeffrey Chambers, of Jagged Edge Productions, have led the charge in this innovative endeavor.

The inclusion of Rabbit, heffalumps, and woozles in the upcoming sequel introduces a new layer to the franchise. In Milne’s original stories, heffalumps are imagined creatures resembling elephants, while woozles are known for their weasel-like characteristics and a penchant for stealing honey. Their roles in the narrative remain to be seen, but their addition promises to enrich the horror universe with deeper connections to the source material.

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How to Watch ‘Late Night with the Devil’ from Home: Dates and Platforms

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Late Night With The Devil

For fans eager to dive into one of this year’s most talked-about horror films from the comfort of their own home, “Late Night with the Devil” will be available for streaming exclusively on Shudder starting April 19, 2024. This announcement has been highly anticipated following the film’s successful theatrical release by IFC Films, which saw it earning rave reviews and a record-breaking opening weekend for the distributor.

“Late Night with the Devil” emerges as a standout horror film, captivating audiences and critics alike, with Stephen King himself offering high praise for the 1977-set film. Starring David Dastmalchian, the movie unfolds on Halloween night during a live late-night talk show broadcast that disastrously unleashes evil across the nation. This found footage-style film not only delivers scares but also authentically captures the aesthetic of the 1970s, drawing viewers into its nightmarish scenario.

David Dastmalchian in Late Night with the Devil

The film’s initial box office success, opening to $2.8 million in 1,034 theaters, underscores its wide appeal and marks the highest opening weekend for an IFC Films release. Critically acclaimed, “Late Night with the Devil” boasts a 96% positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes from 135 reviews, with the consensus praising it for rejuvenating the possession horror genre and showcasing David Dastmalchian’s exceptional performance.

Rotten Tomatoes score as of 3/28/2024

Simon Rother of iHorror.com encapsulates the film’s allure, emphasizing its immersive quality that transports viewers back to the 1970s, making them feel as if they are part of the eerie “Night Owls” Halloween broadcast. Rother lauds the film for its meticulously crafted script and the emotional and shocking journey it takes viewers on, stating, “This whole experience will have viewers of the Cairnes brothers’ film glued to their screen… The script, from beginning to end, is neatly sewn together with an ending that’ll have jaws on the floor.” You can read the full review here.

Rother further encourages audiences to watch the film, highlighting its multifaceted appeal: “Whenever it is made available to you, you must attempt to view the Cairnes Brothers’ latest project as it will make you laugh, it will creep you out, it will amaze you, and it might even strike an emotional cord.”

Set to stream on Shudder on April 19, 2024, “Late Night with the Devil” offers a compelling blend of horror, history, and heart. This film is not just a must-watch for horror aficionados but for anyone looking to be thoroughly entertained and moved by a cinematic experience that redefines the boundaries of its genre.

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