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Let’s Face The Facts: The Easter Bunny is Truly Terrifying

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Easter Bunny

Easter is a beautiful time of year, signaling the beginning of spring and an end to the long dark winter.  Days filled with extra sunshine, birds chirping, flowers blooming, and the dreaded arrival of the Easter Bunny.

Like many of you, I was introduced to the thought of a Rabbit delivering me some yummy candy at a very young age.  Do you remember your very first visit to get an awkward mall photo with the Easter Bunny? Did you run up for a hug, or were you dragged to his lap, kicking and screaming?

Some of us were blessed with cute fluffy bunnies with rosy cheeks and a welcoming smile. Others had the unfortunate luck of being greeted by something similar to the monstrosity below.

I believe most people my age have a picture of themselves sitting on the lap of a horrifying creature like this.  How our parents, or anyone in their right mind, would have thought this would be a good idea is beyond me. Imagine being little and staring up at a 6’ rabbit with giant hands, creepy eyes and sharp teeth!!!!

That won’t scar a kid for life at all.

via My Mother (Wasn’t I adorable? Apologies for having to view my brother’s pants)

Take another peek at the image above.  Do you see it? Look closer (No, not at the pants, people. Look at the Rabbit).

See the big black sockets where the eyes should be.  This is the portal to hell from which the Easter Bunny came. If you stare long enough you will be transported there, never to be seen again.

I taught my children early on to maintain minimal eye contact for their own protection. If only they had listened. God, I still miss little Timmy.

via Twitter

Lucky for us, kids can sense evil.  That is why screams of terror can be heard resonating throughout every shopping mall in America this month.

You see, kids don’t actually want to see the Easter Bunny. Their parents want them to see the Easter Bunny. Children are smart enough to not trade their soul in exchange for some jelly beans.

Seriously, who eats that crap anyways? Plus, lets try not to think of where those eggs actually come from. It’s not like the Easter Bunny has a magic sack like Santa. You know there is only one logical place they can come from, right?

via Pic Sauce

Just to be sure of my theory, I took a quick survey at my local preschool. The general consensus was that kids are getting “sick of our shit” with the whole “Let’s go see the Easter Bunny” thing.

The children all swore that there would be retaliation in the form of a “special gift in our Huggies” for any parent forcing them to visit the bunny this year.  I am serious people; listen to your little bundles of joy! Don’t you know the children are our future?

(Disclaimer:  There was no actual survey; it was a preschool for Christ’s sake.  I just love making stuff up. I can say, however, the teacher did not seem to like me at all.  She kept saying stuff like “get out of here before I call the cops” and that “I am no longer permitted back in the school”. Then she was going on about how I was a “terrible person for frightening the small children”.  I personally think she was overreacting.)

 

via The Horror Dome

Please parents, take this article as a public service.  Do not subject your beautiful spawn to the dead-behind-the-eyes, razor-sharp teeth-having, child-devouring Easter Bunny.  I am honestly surprised we don’t see colony of them driving around in white vans telling the kids they have candy and puppies.

Easter Bunnies are just fluffy balls of concentrated evil.

So please, make sure to get the kids some good candy this year. No more of this Peeps and Jelly Bean bullshit.  Like, the good chocolate that you eat in the bathroom or closet while hiding from your kids so you don’t have to share.

(Fun Fact: A group of rabbits is called a colony or nest.  There you go, getting a little free education from yours truly. You’re welcome.)

Did your kids love or hate the Easter Bunny? Did the bunny ever give you a bit of the creeps? Tell us in the comments below.  While you are at it, let us know what candy you are hoping to find in your basket this year!

From the whole iHorror family, Happy Easter to you and yours!

 

Want to learn about the scariest Easter Bunny of all? Click Here for the pure nightmare fuel that is the Jesus Bunny from Holidays!

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Childhood Memories Collide in New Horror Film ‘Poohniverse: Monsters Assemble’

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It looks like ITN Studious and Jagged Edge Productions are going the Avengers: Infinity War route with their upcoming film Poohniverse: Monsters Assemble. From the deranged mind of Rhys Frake-Waterfield (Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey) comes this belligerent mash up of beloved childhood icons.

According to an article out of Variety today, Poohniverse: Monsters Assemble will consist of Winnie the Pooh, Bambi, Tinkerbell, Pinocchio, Peter Pan, Tigger, Piglet, The Mad Hatter, and Sleeping Beauty. All of these iconic figured will be warped into nightmarish versions of their former selves. Poohniverse: Monsters Assemble is set to be released upon the world sometime in 2025.

Poohniverse

Actor-producer Scott Chambers (Malevolent) had the following to say about Poohniverse: Monsters Assemble. “As horror fans, we would love an Avengers that is all villains. It’d have Freddy Krueger, Jason, ‘Halloween,’ ‘Scream,’ all of those. Obviously that will never happen, but we can make it happen in our own little way, and that’s where this film has been born.”

Poohniverse: Monsters Assemble will be a part of The Twisted Childhood Universe. Just like the MCU, each character will first get a standalone film. After introductions are made, they will be reunited in an Avengers style film. Although they will be killing off the survivors from the previous films, they won’t be working together.

Chambers describes this as an “epic sequences of monster vs. monster.” And I don’t know what more fans could ask of the studio. This fantastical idea is a huge risk but Poohniverse: Monsters Assemble sounds amazing.

That’s all the information we have at this time. Check back here for more updates on Poohniverse: Monsters Assemble. If you haven’t already, check out the trailer for Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 2 below.

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Blumhouse’s ‘The Wolf Man’ Reboot Kicks Off Production with Leigh Whannell at the Helm

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Blumhouse Productions has officially commenced filming its reboot of the Universal Monsters legend, “Wolf Man”. Under the direction of Leigh Whannell, known for his acclaimed work on “The Invisible Man” (2020), the project promises to breathe new life into the iconic tale. The film is slated for a theatrical release on October 25th, marking a new chapter in the storied franchise.

Wolf Man

The journey of a “Wolf Man” reboot began in 2020 when actor Ryan Gosling presented a fresh take on the classic story to Universal. This concept quickly evolved into a screenplay crafted by the talented duo Lauren Schuker Blum and Rebecca Angelo, who are known for their work on “Orange Is the New Black,” alongside contributions from Whannell and Corbett Tuck. The narrative is set in contemporary times, drawing inspiration from the atmospheric tension of Jake Gyllenhaal’s “Nightcrawler,” albeit with a distinct supernatural twist.

The film has seen its share of directorial and casting shifts, with Whannell initially signing on to direct in 2020, only to step away and then return to the project after Ryan Gosling and director Derek Cianfrance exited. The lead roles have been filled by Christopher Abbott and Julia Garner, both of whom bring significant talent to the screen. Abbott portrays a man whose family faces the terror of a lethal predator, with Garner likely playing his wife, sharing in the familial peril. The storyline also hints at a daughter named Ginger, adding a layer of depth to the family’s harrowing experience.

Julia Garner and Christopher Abbott

This reboot represents a collaboration between Blumhouse and Motel Movies, with Jason Blum producing. Ryan Gosling remains involved as an executive producer, alongside Ken Kao, Bea Sequeira, Mel Turner, and Whannell himself. The announcement of the film’s production start was made by Jason Blum, who shared an exciting glimpse of Whannell on set, signaling the beginning of what is hoped to be a memorable addition to the horror genre.

As the “Wolf Man” reboot moves forward, fans and newcomers alike are eager to see how this modern interpretation will pay homage to its roots while offering a fresh and thrilling experience. With a talented cast and crew at the helm, the film is poised to reintroduce the timeless tale of transformation and terror to a new generation.

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‘Immaculate’ Stars Reveal Which Horror Villains They Would “F, Marry, Kill”

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Sydney Sweeney is just coming off the success of her rom-com Anyone But You, but she’s ditching the love story for a horror story in her latest film Immaculate.

Sweeney is taking Hollywood by storm, portraying everything from a love-lusting teenager in Euphoria to an accidental superhero in Madame Web. Although the latter got a lot of hate among theater-goers, Immaculate is getting the polar opposite.

The film was screened at SXSW this past week and was well-received. It also gained a reputation for being extremely gory. Derek Smith of Slant says the, “final act contains some of the most twisted, gory violence this particular subgenre of horror has seen in years…”

Thankfully curious horror movie fans won’t have to wait long to see for themselves what Smith is talking about as Immaculate will hit theaters across the United States on March, 22.

Bloody Disgusting says that the movie’s distributor NEON, in a bit of marketing smarts, had stars Sydney Sweeney and Simona Tabasco play a game of “F, Marry, Kill” in which all their choices had to be horror movie villains.

It’s an interesting question, and you might be surprised at their answers. So colorful are their responses that YouTube slapped an age-restricted rating on the video.

Immaculate is a religious horror movie that NEON says stars Sweeney, “as Cecilia, an American nun of devout faith, embarking on a new journey in a remote convent in the picturesque Italian countryside. Cecilia’s warm welcome quickly devolves into a nightmare as it becomes clear her new home harbors a sinister secret and unspeakable horrors.”

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