Destroy all Humans is back, you guys. Crypto has returned with re-mastered and shiny new graphics. Best of all, he is just as pissed off at humans as you remember him. Black Forest Games has come out to bring some re-polished human disdain to Pandemic Studio’s 2005 Destroy All Humans.
Destroy All Humans is filled from top to bottom with a pulpy, atomic age B-movie vibe. From the sound effects to the Theremin music, this is undoubtedly channeling a specific feel of the 50’s sci-fi flick.
You play as Cryptosporidium-137, he is an alien from the planet of Furon. A planet that has lost its ability to reproduce due to their advanced weaponry and the side effects of using said weapons. The Furon’s have resulted to cloning as a way to continue their species, however each copy that is made is slowly diluting their powers.
All hope isn’t lost though, it turns out that on their previous travels, the Furon’s made a stop on earth at some point, and the Furon’s somehow ended up getting busy with humans. This lead to all humans having remnants of Furon DNA in within their species. A pure source of Furon energy.
So, the Furons take a road trip to Earth, only trouble is the first little guy they sent in, Crypto-136 disappeared on the little blue planet. So, in goes Crypt-137 to locate his fallen comrade, and begin the invasion to harvest the remnants of Furon energy contained in these human blood bags.
“Crypto and his maniacal
shenanigans are all in good fun.”
Crypto sounds a bit like Jack Nicholson here. Now this is a bit of a dated reference. I’m sure that only about 3 of you will know what the hell I’m talking about but, I believe that Crypto’s Nicholson voice is in homage to 1990’s Spaced Invaders. In that film one of the aliens that crashes on Earth sounds identical to Nicholson. That’s just a tiny bit of trivia for you. If you haven’t seen Spaced Invaders, you should give it a shot, it’s pretty fun B-movie goodness.
That isn’t the only voice that is worth a mention. The Furon boss, POX is played by Richard Horvitz. That’s right Invader Zim himself. He doesn’t change his voice practically at all, and he sounds just as frustrated here as he does as Zim. Again, he wants to destroy all humans. Sound familiar? You get the point.
All the original dialogue from the 2005’s Destroy All Humans is just as it was. This means that none of the humor from back then has changed either. So, as you can expect some of it is a little rough around the edges and stuff that might cause modern day cancel culture to hit the triggered button. But, look at times it’s pretty damned funny, I think we can give little Crypto a pass.
Crypto comes to the party with a Chain lightning gun, a plasma blaster and a sort of grenade launcher. These weapons can all be upgraded between missions in order to mod their functionality. There is also an anal probe weapon that causes the poor victims head to explode after being deeply prodded. Sadly, the probe doesn’t work very well within combat.
For most of the game you are running around these open sandboxes, but in some cases you can jump into your flying saucer to unleash death from above with your trusty death ray.
These are all in the name of destroying all humans. Crypto comes with his own set of Furon powers as well. He comes loaded with his famous telekinesis power that allows Crypto to fling cows around or send humans flying into the clouds before plummeting down to Earth to smash into concrete. You can also, brainwash targets or get them to dance as a distraction. Most notably and the mechanic you will use the most is the ability to camouflage as a human. This allows you to enter restricted areas and gets you close to individuals that you might need to take out.
All these levels are exactly the ones you may remember from 2005’s Destroy All Humans. But, for the eagle-eyed knit=pickers you might notice there is a level in which you sabotage a UFO at a military instillation that is an all new level and didn’t appear at any point in previous titles.
The graphics look really good here. The bright color palette is really fun and adds to the cartoonish chaos that makes up the entirety of this game. Everything from the cut scenes to the gameplay has been re-mastered and it looks like Black Forest Games took its time to make everything look really good, and nicely polished.
Traversing feels really good. Crypto has a makeshift hover board that he uses to skate around and has some cool rocket pack capabilities that offer him flight and hover abilities. These feel really smooth and add to that fluidity of carefree gameplay that makes up a ton of this game.
That fluidity is especially fun once you get all your powers going a the same time. Use mind powers to make an enemy fight alongside you, toss folks around with telekinesis, chain lightning some baddies and then anal probe the last bit of them to get in some laughs. It’s fun to see how many ways you can get into these big brawls.
Now, the downside is that a lot of this become redundant and repetitive at times. Doing the same thing over and over, after you level up your weapons all the way, leaves something to be wanted. The lack of enemy variety starts to wear on you too.
There has been enough time between me playing the game back in 2005 till now. It feel like a totally new game at this point because I don’t remember story details from that long ago by any means. The only thing that feels a dated is some crude humor, but that was something that South Park and Beavis and Butt-head loving kids really dug about the series. So, in retrospect you have to take the good with the bad.
Now, I will say that it was hard for me to kill these poor moo cows back in 2005 and it’s just as hard to kill them now. Oddly enough, the game doesn’t give you an option in killing them or not killing them. The training mission immediately tasks you with hurting the poor cows with your telekinesis. I never felt good about it. I would much rather be killing some of the xenophobes and racists that make up some parts of the town.
The game offers a fair amount of re-playability by way of its time trail challenges. Completionists will want to get the highest star rating on each of these challenges. These are probably the toughest part of the game, but well worth those achievement points to add onto the gamer score.
Destory All Humans is a fun 15-hour blasty, blasty of an experience. It is fun to destroy the dumb, racist, war mongers in the game people in the game. Crypto and his maniacal shenanigans are all in good fun. Part nostalgia and part great destroyer, this game ends up being well worth its money ($39.99) and a great way to have a few laughs while destroying a heck load of humans. If you are a fan of the series and are doing this to scratch that nostalgia itch, then you are going to have a good time and get what you expected. If you are new to this and don’t have that past connection with it, this could be hit or miss for you.
Destroy All Humans is out now on PS4, Xbox One, Stadi and Windows. You can pick up a copy right HERE.