It’s almost here, guys!!!! Less than two weeks left before the return of our favorite bots, mads and shitty movies. In a matter of days, MST3K makes its long awaited return.
I can’t tell you how excited I am. I have no idea when I first fell in love with the show but fell I did and hard. I know some people are Team Joel and some are Team Mike, but I truly never cared. I loved them both and the chemistry between them both and Gypsy, Cambot, Tom Servo and Croooooooooow (admit that you sung that in your head…admit it) were equally as wonderful.
I have gotten together my own ragtag group from the iHorror team to pick out the absolute must see episodes before the new season premiers. So hold onto your gears, get your snarky commentary ready, and lets countdown.
The Horrors of Spider Island Season 10, Episode 11
A troupe of Go-Go dancers and their manager (somehow) survive a plane crash on their way from New York to Singapore, and wash ashore on an island inhabited by a mutated spider… Traditionally I’m more of a Joel man when it comes to MST3K, but there’s just something about The Horrors of Spider Island that I just love; it is that sort of random film (go-go dancers attacked by a spider/man/beast in between parties and naked swimming) that only the 1960s could produce. Mike, Tom Servo, and Crow are in excellent form throughout, but as with the very best MST3K episodes, the fact that movie itself is weirdly entertaining (with it’s awful dubbing out of the original German) and provides an excellent counterbalance to the lads riffing (or just reminding us every once in a while that we’re watching The Horrors of Spider Island…a film whose title is…about 30% accurate: they are on an island).
The Final Sacrifice Season 9, Episode 10
The epic, low-budget, Canadian adventure of a lifetime! It follows young nerd Troy McGreggor as he attempts to follow in his long since dead archaeologist father’s footsteps. Finding himself on the run from a ridiculously deep voiced cult leader named Satoris, and his army of ski-mask wearing, chainsaw-wielding thugs, he teams up with Canada’s greatest heroes: ZAP ROWSDOWER. A beer swilling, mulletted loner who may have had a hand in Troy’s father’s death. Together they must find the ancient Ziox civilization and bring peace to Alberta! Highlights include the low-budget car chases, Canadian cultists, and hysterical riffs on Zap’s drinking. Including the immortal line “I wonder if there’s beer on the sun?” And featuring Pipper, the most dangnabbed, rootin-tootin, Yosemite Sam, prospector type ever.
Werewolf Season 9, Episode 4
This movie is a hell of a good time and stars the lesser (way lesser) known Estevez, Joe Estevez. A group of archeologists discover a mythical Native American werewolf creature buried in the desert. With as many people that turn in this movie, you’d think this thing would be alive but, no. In various ways, people just tend to fall on the bones and get scratched and Bada Bing Bada Boom… werewolf. The acting is atrocious and the story is mediocre and I LOVE it. There is less expression in the faces of the actors than the waiting room of a plastic surgeon’s office.The Snark Patrol is on point with their commentary and it makes for a thoroughly enjoyable experience. You will never look at bugles the same way again. Plus, there’s that Estevez. That makes it a hit, right?
The Pumaman Season 9, Episode 3
I think I might be biased about this one for one reason: I’m a huge John Carpenter’s Halloween fan. Pumaman is NOTHING like Halloween but they do share a common element…Donald Pleasence. Oh, yes. A movie about an ancient Aztec mask that turns that which is destined to receive its powers into PUMAMAN! “Who is Pumaman?” you ask. A guy in a bedazzled shirt and cape that KINDA flies and is a descendant of an Aztec go. This is special.I’m not sure if it’s the effects,the acting or the fact the Aztec shaman tests randos to see if they’re Pumaman by tossing them out of windows. And I’m not sure what made Pleasence join the crew of this little LSD trip, but I’m glad he did. Plus, I love it when the leading ladies have a severe case of crazy eyes.
Soultaker Season 10, Episode 1
Oh, hell. It’s Joe Estevez again. He “stars” in this movie (“Does anything really star Joe Estevez?”) as a Soultaker in charge of taking the souls of four teenagers that die in a car accident. The movie is the epitome of a 1990’s terrible movie. The dialogue sounds like something your pain in the ass 9-year-old brother would write and the music is music in the technical term. The movie is terrible but this has got some of the best commentary I’ve seen from Mike, Tom Servo and Crow. I don’t think there’s a part of the movie that I wasn’t howling with laughter. Soultaker led the last season of MST3K and included a visit from Joel to the S.O.L. which was a special and emotional little treat for viewers.
Don’t limit yourself to just these five before the premier. There are too many to go over but some other beloved episodes are Pod People, Mitchell, Merlin’s Shop of Mythical Wonders, Eegah and many, many others. Most subscription move and TV streaming services offer a limited title of the series and MST3K returns to Netflix April 14th for a brand new season of bad movies, great commentary and new mads.