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Theatrical Review: Dracula Untold

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Some of you younger readers may not believe me when I type this, but there was a time, in the not so distant past, when the Universal Monsters were… monsters.

But the times they are a-changin’, as Bob Dylan once said. And the lines they are a-blurrin,’ as the son of the dad from Growing Pains more recently said.

Somewhere along the line, comic books and movies joined forces and became one mega box office power, the smash hit success of Marvel’s various adaptations, reboots, re-reboots, spin-offs and sequels ushering us all into the age of the superhero.

At this present moment in time, as I sit here typing what’s sure to be a review so long that most of you will give up 2/3 of the way through, superheroes are the reigning kings of the box office, and all the big studios are predictably hungry for their slice of that heroic pie.

The latest studio to jump on the superhero bandwagon is Universal, who recently announced they’ll be creating a Marvel-style universe for their iconic monsters. What that essentially means is that each monster will get his own film and then they’ll all eventually come together for one big ole monster mash, and whether you or I want that or not is as irrelevant to their agenda as what color underwear I’m rocking right now.

They’re black. I always wear black. Because it hides accidents.

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According to recent reports, Dracula Untold is the beginning of this shared Universal Monsters universe, the first of many monster reboots to come. A prequel that delves into the origin story of cinema’s most iconic vampire, this new take on the classic tale is set in 15th century Transylvania, ruled over by the once monstrous but now peaceful Prince Vlad (…the Impaler).

When the Turks threaten to destroy his land and murder his people, if he doesn’t agree to let his young son be taken and raised by them (F that noise), Prince Vlad (Luke Evans) finds hope in an ancient vampire who lives in darkness atop a creepy mountain with a cool-sounding name. Looking for the power to destroy his enemies and save his family, Vlad forces the vampire to turn him, drinking his blood from a crushed human skull.

If he doesn’t give in to his carnal desires to drink human blood in the next three days, Vlad will return to his normal life, after three days of being a super-powered badass. But if he can’t resist the urge, he will forever remain an immortal vampire. And that’s a problem and stuff. Especially when you’re really, really, really, ridiculously good looking.

Dracula Untold

Personally speaking, I’m not a fan of this trend of monsters being turned into wickedly handsome action heroes, and Dracula Untold is very much THAT movie. More than anything else, it plays out like the origin story of a superhero whose superpower happens to be that he has fangs and can turn into a shitload of CG bats. The name Dracula is in the title, this is true, but this aint the Dracula you know and love.

Hell, the only scene that made me feel like I was even watching a Universal monster movie was one where mob-like villagers pick up torches, and even that was more Frankenstein than Dracula.

But my issue with the film isn’t simply that it’s a bastardization of one of horror cinema’s most iconic monsters. No, my issue with the film is that it’s dull to the point of being almost entirely forgettable. Lacking a set of balls and devoid of any discernible personality, Dracula Untold is a vampire film that’s seriously lacking in the bite department, like a vamp whose fangs have been filed down so that he’ll be safe and palatable to the masses.

By portraying ole Vlad as a hero, rather than a monster, Dracula Untold loses a good portion of the inherent appeal that will surely draw many horror fans to the theater this weekend. The interesting thing about Dracula is that he’s a vicious, blood-drinking monster, and so it’s just not very interesting to watch a movie about a version of Dracula that’s not that. I simply don’t care about human Dracula, nor do I want to watch him while he’s awkwardly developing his flying skills.

I realize that this is an origin story we’re talking about, but something is seriously wrong when all that a franchise-starter is able to accomplish is making you wish you were instead watching the sequel. Since it’s immediately clear that Dracula is being painted as the handsome hero, you just know he’s not going to do anything villainous in this particular movie, which mostly sucks away any and all of the fun.

Just as this depiction of Vlad wishes to forget his dark side, so too does the movie wish to forget its titular monster’s, rendering Dracula Untold just another totally generic action spectacle. It’s safe at almost every turn, painfully so, and though some moderate entertainment is provided in the short 90 minute runtime, it’s simply not enough to make the movie anything more than utterly forgettable. It’s not a terrible movie. I just never really… cared.

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It’s a shame, really, because there seemingly is a decent horror movie lying underneath all the CG action and hard-to-tell-what’s-happening battle scenes. And that horror movie is sitting atop that aforementioned creepy mountain. The vampire that turns Vlad (above) is much more Dracula-like than Dracula himself, and the two main scenes the character is in are among the best in the film. Charles Dance is terrific in the role, and I frequently wished that I was watching a movie about his character, rather than Evans’.

Sadly, I was not.

Ironically enough, it’s Prince Vlad, in this very movie, who says at one point that the world doesn’t always need a hero – sometimes, it needs a monster. That line stuck out to me as I exited the theater last night, as it perfectly summed up the way I feel about Dracula Untold. We didn’t need a hero with this one, Universal. We needed a monster. And the fact that we didn’t get one leaves me with serious concerns about the future of this bold new universe.

At the end of the day, Dracula Untold is a decent enough set-up for what I imagine Universal is trying to do with that universe. In other words, it gets done what they were trying to get done. The problem is that I just don’t care for that universe that’s being established, which is a problem because I should by all means fall into the target audience of anything Universal Monsters-related… right?

Alas, it seems those iconic monsters just aren’t for me anymore, and that’s a realization that I can’t help but feel sad about.

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New Poster Reveal For Nicolas Cage’s Survival Creature Feature ‘Arcadian’ [Trailer]

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Nicolas Cage Arcadian

In the latest cinematic venture featuring Nicolas Cage, Arcadian emerges as a compelling creature feature, teeming with suspense, horror, and emotional depth. RLJE Films has recently released a series of new images and a captivating poster, offering audiences a glimpse into the eerie and thrilling world of “Arcadian”. Scheduled to hit theaters on April 12, 2024, the film will later be available on Shudder and AMC+, ensuring a wide audience can experience its gripping narrative.

Arcadian Movie Trailer

The Motion Picture Association (MPA) has given this film an “R” rating for its “bloody images,” hinting at the visceral and intense experience awaiting viewers. The film draws inspiration from acclaimed horror benchmarks like “A Quiet Place,” weaving a post-apocalyptic tale of a father and his two sons navigating a desolate world. Following a catastrophic event that depopulates the planet, the family faces the dual challenge of surviving their dystopian environment and eluding mysterious nocturnal creatures.

Joining Nicolas Cage in this harrowing journey are Jaeden Martell, known for his role in “IT” (2017), Maxwell Jenkins from “Lost in Space,” and Sadie Soverall, featured in “Fate: The Winx Saga.” Directed by Ben Brewer (“The Trust”) and penned by Mike Nilon (“Braven”), “Arcadian” promises a unique blend of poignant storytelling and electrifying survival horror.

Maxwell Jenkins, Nicolas Cage, and Jaeden Martell 

Critics have already begun to praise “Arcadian” for its imaginative monster designs and exhilarating action sequences, with one review from Bloody Disgusting highlighting the film’s balance between emotional coming-of-age elements and heart-pounding horror. Despite sharing thematic elements with similar genre films, “Arcadian” sets itself apart through its creative approach and action-driven plot, promising a cinematic experience filled with mystery, suspense, and relentless thrills.

Arcadian Official Movie Poster

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‘Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 3’ Is a Go with Enhanced Budget and New Characters

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Winnie the Pooh 3

Wow, they’re churning things out fast! The upcoming sequel “Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 3” is officially moving forward, promising an expanded narrative with a larger budget and the introduction of beloved characters from A.A. Milne’s original tales. As confirmed by Variety, the third installment in the horror franchise will welcome Rabbit, the heffalumps, and the woozles into its dark and twisted narrative.

This sequel is a part of an ambitious cinematic universe that reimagines children’s stories as horror tales. Alongside “Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey” and its first sequel, the universe includes films such as “Peter Pan’s Neverland Nightmare”, “Bambi: The Reckoning,” and “Pinocchio Unstrung”. These movies are set to converge in the crossover event “Poohniverse: Monsters Assemble,” slated for a 2025 release.

Winnie the Pooh Poohniverse

The creation of these films was made possible when A.A. Milne’s 1926 children’s book “Winnie-the-Pooh” entered the public domain last year, allowing filmmakers to explore these cherished characters in unprecedented ways. Director Rhys Frake-Waterfield and producer Scott Jeffrey Chambers, of Jagged Edge Productions, have led the charge in this innovative endeavor.

The inclusion of Rabbit, heffalumps, and woozles in the upcoming sequel introduces a new layer to the franchise. In Milne’s original stories, heffalumps are imagined creatures resembling elephants, while woozles are known for their weasel-like characteristics and a penchant for stealing honey. Their roles in the narrative remain to be seen, but their addition promises to enrich the horror universe with deeper connections to the source material.

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How to Watch ‘Late Night with the Devil’ from Home: Dates and Platforms

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Late Night With The Devil

For fans eager to dive into one of this year’s most talked-about horror films from the comfort of their own home, “Late Night with the Devil” will be available for streaming exclusively on Shudder starting April 19, 2024. This announcement has been highly anticipated following the film’s successful theatrical release by IFC Films, which saw it earning rave reviews and a record-breaking opening weekend for the distributor.

“Late Night with the Devil” emerges as a standout horror film, captivating audiences and critics alike, with Stephen King himself offering high praise for the 1977-set film. Starring David Dastmalchian, the movie unfolds on Halloween night during a live late-night talk show broadcast that disastrously unleashes evil across the nation. This found footage-style film not only delivers scares but also authentically captures the aesthetic of the 1970s, drawing viewers into its nightmarish scenario.

David Dastmalchian in Late Night with the Devil

The film’s initial box office success, opening to $2.8 million in 1,034 theaters, underscores its wide appeal and marks the highest opening weekend for an IFC Films release. Critically acclaimed, “Late Night with the Devil” boasts a 96% positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes from 135 reviews, with the consensus praising it for rejuvenating the possession horror genre and showcasing David Dastmalchian’s exceptional performance.

Rotten Tomatoes score as of 3/28/2024

Simon Rother of iHorror.com encapsulates the film’s allure, emphasizing its immersive quality that transports viewers back to the 1970s, making them feel as if they are part of the eerie “Night Owls” Halloween broadcast. Rother lauds the film for its meticulously crafted script and the emotional and shocking journey it takes viewers on, stating, “This whole experience will have viewers of the Cairnes brothers’ film glued to their screen… The script, from beginning to end, is neatly sewn together with an ending that’ll have jaws on the floor.” You can read the full review here.

Rother further encourages audiences to watch the film, highlighting its multifaceted appeal: “Whenever it is made available to you, you must attempt to view the Cairnes Brothers’ latest project as it will make you laugh, it will creep you out, it will amaze you, and it might even strike an emotional cord.”

Set to stream on Shudder on April 19, 2024, “Late Night with the Devil” offers a compelling blend of horror, history, and heart. This film is not just a must-watch for horror aficionados but for anyone looking to be thoroughly entertained and moved by a cinematic experience that redefines the boundaries of its genre.

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