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Snowmen are Stalking Barack Obama!

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Snowmen are stalking Obama. No, this is not the title of a B-movie holiday flick, nor highly bizarre propaganda. Frozen, man-made men are literally peering through the Oval Office window through button eyes, grinning coal grins as black as their souls, and we need to have a discussion.

You’re likely familiar with pediophobia patients: those who can’t calmly step in an antique shop to face a shelf full of porcelain dolls. And coulrophobia sufferers, who often won’t set foot in a circus to dare confront the clowns. But have you ever seen a passerby flinch at Frosty, amidst holiday decor? This is a fear known as hominochionophobia, and HuffPost reports that the POTUS has got the slush-crusted fever. He dished it to People–and that was his fatal mistake.

It’s okay, Barry! He just loves warm hugs!

“There’s a whole kind of Chucky element to them,” he said, with a nod–or a head-shake?–to our favorite Good Guy, mere weeks ago. “They’re a little creepy.”

“A little” was putting it mildly. He later went so far as to threaten to move when Michelle quipped that she’d place a snowman in their bedroom–if only half-jokingly.

While the FLOTUS may have been teasing, the White House staff was about to take their joke far more seriously.

They caught wind of the jolly snow family residing in the Rose Garden, neighboring the Oval Office. “Then we realized the snowmen were too heavy to easily lift,” White House photographer, Pete Souza, posted on Instagram. He exposed the yuletide prank on his profile there, in a play-by-play. “But finally, this morning before the President came to the office, some helpful staff ― I won’t say who ― moved all the snowmen so each one was peeking through a different window into the Oval. This photo was taken this afternoon as the President signed end-of-the-year bills.”

Barack was onto them. This was it. It had all come down to this: the Obama-nible snowman.

It was time to put his black belt in tae kwon do (no, seriously–look it up) to good use.

One can only imagine what happened from there. Surely, he hurtled himself through the window, delivering a swift chop to the icy bastard’s neckline. It decapitated him, leaving a lone orange scarf in his midst. Barack then performed several flips, in styles fit for an Olympian. Perhaps a roundhouse kick, direct to his portly slush gut, was the final blow, or–…or perhaps the president just doubled over in laughter. Either way, we’d like to believe that one of his final acts in office was not solely to protect himself, but his beloved nation, as well.

Merry Christmas, Obama: you live to celebrate another year.

“Next year, Obama. You won’t have the secret service to protect you anymore.”

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New Poster Reveal For Nicolas Cage’s Survival Creature Feature ‘Arcadian’ [Trailer]

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Nicolas Cage Arcadian

In the latest cinematic venture featuring Nicolas Cage, Arcadian emerges as a compelling creature feature, teeming with suspense, horror, and emotional depth. RLJE Films has recently released a series of new images and a captivating poster, offering audiences a glimpse into the eerie and thrilling world of “Arcadian”. Scheduled to hit theaters on April 12, 2024, the film will later be available on Shudder and AMC+, ensuring a wide audience can experience its gripping narrative.

Arcadian Movie Trailer

The Motion Picture Association (MPA) has given this film an “R” rating for its “bloody images,” hinting at the visceral and intense experience awaiting viewers. The film draws inspiration from acclaimed horror benchmarks like “A Quiet Place,” weaving a post-apocalyptic tale of a father and his two sons navigating a desolate world. Following a catastrophic event that depopulates the planet, the family faces the dual challenge of surviving their dystopian environment and eluding mysterious nocturnal creatures.

Joining Nicolas Cage in this harrowing journey are Jaeden Martell, known for his role in “IT” (2017), Maxwell Jenkins from “Lost in Space,” and Sadie Soverall, featured in “Fate: The Winx Saga.” Directed by Ben Brewer (“The Trust”) and penned by Mike Nilon (“Braven”), “Arcadian” promises a unique blend of poignant storytelling and electrifying survival horror.

Maxwell Jenkins, Nicolas Cage, and Jaeden Martell 

Critics have already begun to praise “Arcadian” for its imaginative monster designs and exhilarating action sequences, with one review from Bloody Disgusting highlighting the film’s balance between emotional coming-of-age elements and heart-pounding horror. Despite sharing thematic elements with similar genre films, “Arcadian” sets itself apart through its creative approach and action-driven plot, promising a cinematic experience filled with mystery, suspense, and relentless thrills.

Arcadian Official Movie Poster

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‘Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 3’ Is a Go with Enhanced Budget and New Characters

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Winnie the Pooh 3

Wow, they’re churning things out fast! The upcoming sequel “Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 3” is officially moving forward, promising an expanded narrative with a larger budget and the introduction of beloved characters from A.A. Milne’s original tales. As confirmed by Variety, the third installment in the horror franchise will welcome Rabbit, the heffalumps, and the woozles into its dark and twisted narrative.

This sequel is a part of an ambitious cinematic universe that reimagines children’s stories as horror tales. Alongside “Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey” and its first sequel, the universe includes films such as “Peter Pan’s Neverland Nightmare”, “Bambi: The Reckoning,” and “Pinocchio Unstrung”. These movies are set to converge in the crossover event “Poohniverse: Monsters Assemble,” slated for a 2025 release.

Winnie the Pooh Poohniverse

The creation of these films was made possible when A.A. Milne’s 1926 children’s book “Winnie-the-Pooh” entered the public domain last year, allowing filmmakers to explore these cherished characters in unprecedented ways. Director Rhys Frake-Waterfield and producer Scott Jeffrey Chambers, of Jagged Edge Productions, have led the charge in this innovative endeavor.

The inclusion of Rabbit, heffalumps, and woozles in the upcoming sequel introduces a new layer to the franchise. In Milne’s original stories, heffalumps are imagined creatures resembling elephants, while woozles are known for their weasel-like characteristics and a penchant for stealing honey. Their roles in the narrative remain to be seen, but their addition promises to enrich the horror universe with deeper connections to the source material.

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How to Watch ‘Late Night with the Devil’ from Home: Dates and Platforms

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Late Night With The Devil

For fans eager to dive into one of this year’s most talked-about horror films from the comfort of their own home, “Late Night with the Devil” will be available for streaming exclusively on Shudder starting April 19, 2024. This announcement has been highly anticipated following the film’s successful theatrical release by IFC Films, which saw it earning rave reviews and a record-breaking opening weekend for the distributor.

“Late Night with the Devil” emerges as a standout horror film, captivating audiences and critics alike, with Stephen King himself offering high praise for the 1977-set film. Starring David Dastmalchian, the movie unfolds on Halloween night during a live late-night talk show broadcast that disastrously unleashes evil across the nation. This found footage-style film not only delivers scares but also authentically captures the aesthetic of the 1970s, drawing viewers into its nightmarish scenario.

David Dastmalchian in Late Night with the Devil

The film’s initial box office success, opening to $2.8 million in 1,034 theaters, underscores its wide appeal and marks the highest opening weekend for an IFC Films release. Critically acclaimed, “Late Night with the Devil” boasts a 96% positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes from 135 reviews, with the consensus praising it for rejuvenating the possession horror genre and showcasing David Dastmalchian’s exceptional performance.

Rotten Tomatoes score as of 3/28/2024

Simon Rother of iHorror.com encapsulates the film’s allure, emphasizing its immersive quality that transports viewers back to the 1970s, making them feel as if they are part of the eerie “Night Owls” Halloween broadcast. Rother lauds the film for its meticulously crafted script and the emotional and shocking journey it takes viewers on, stating, “This whole experience will have viewers of the Cairnes brothers’ film glued to their screen… The script, from beginning to end, is neatly sewn together with an ending that’ll have jaws on the floor.” You can read the full review here.

Rother further encourages audiences to watch the film, highlighting its multifaceted appeal: “Whenever it is made available to you, you must attempt to view the Cairnes Brothers’ latest project as it will make you laugh, it will creep you out, it will amaze you, and it might even strike an emotional cord.”

Set to stream on Shudder on April 19, 2024, “Late Night with the Devil” offers a compelling blend of horror, history, and heart. This film is not just a must-watch for horror aficionados but for anyone looking to be thoroughly entertained and moved by a cinematic experience that redefines the boundaries of its genre.

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