Written by Patti Pauley
Are you sick of feeling helpless? Are you still fighting that winter flab? Well Mortal Kombat‘s Scorpion, martial arts expert in everything from Ninjitsu to Krav-Mygah, wants you to get your pathetic ass of the couch and pass his unearthly knowledge of Kombat onto you! Located right on the corner of 11th and Lamar next to Sub-Zero’s Frozen Yogurt Parlor, is Scorpion’s Family Fitness Dojo!
Joking aside, I’ve been a die-hard MK fan since the Arcade debut in 1992. My warped little 10-year-old self was hypnotized with this gory as hell, beat ’em fighting game that seemed to break all the rules and stand out as the forbidden fruit of games among parents at the time. Luckily, mine were cool enough to give zero fucks and allowed me to drain my entire lawn-mowing allowance into this button-bashing machine that permitted me to virtually rip spines out of thine enemies. Of course, my favorite character has always been, and forever will be Scorpion and this little mock video made by the fine fellows over at Rooster Teeth, pay homage to that hell-spawned ninja from the Netherealm by giving us a rather humorous example of what a gym would look like if run by the former Shirai Ryu warrior. And it’s so very Scorpion-esque. Filmed in such a way that would rival the epic commercial of Napolean Dynamite‘s Rex Kwan Do, Scorpion’s Family Fitness Dojo is everything you would expect to be. Check it out!