News

Late to the Party: Pet Sematary

Published

7 years ago

September 20, 2017

I’m a little embarrassed to admit how little exposure I have had to Stephen King. I wasn’t sheltered and my family even collected his books but for some reason his stories always escaped me. I haven’t seen Christine or Cujo and I didn’t even see The Shining until I had reached adulthood…I told you it was shameful. I truly am late to the party in so many ways especially when it comes to Pet Sematary.

I have never read a single Stephen King book. Before you sharpen your pitchforks, let me tell you, I’ve tried. For some reason I can never get past the first few chapters. I love all of the stories that pump out of his nightmare factory of a brain but the writing can be just dry enough to keep my mind from connecting.

But I’m doing it, I’m stepping out of my comfort zone and delving into Pet Sematary. My first thought…”Jesus how long is this intro?” My second thought…”Yeah let’s leave the diapered child ALONE near the road with the speeding semis.” Thank god for Fred Gwynne. I can already tell I’m not going to like this.

I have always had an aversion to movies where something happens to children and with the opening scene and the parents’ obvious “let the child parent himself” attitude, that kid won’t make it through the whole movie.

Who moves to a house where speeding semis are going by constantly? It happens day and night. Unless they didn’t go look at the house before they bought it, there’s no reason a family with a child that small and who let their kids just wander should be living that close to a major road, but I digress.

I immediately didn’t like the characters of Louis and Rachel. They seemed stubborn and irresponsible. They move to this big house in Maine with their two children, Ellie and Gage and their cat, Church. Their neighbor Jud (Fred Gwynne) is tall and intimidating but is the voice of reason. They live near a cemetery with the bad grammar for animals but behind it lies another cemetery that used to be an Indian burial ground (of course it was). Anything buried there comes back but not like they were before.

While his family is away, Louis finds Church dead in the yard after getting hit by one of the (surprise) speeding trucks that frequent the road. He buries Church in the “real cemetery” behind the pet sematary and behaves as surprised as his acting allows. If you can’t tell, I find the adult acting in this movie to be akin to a shot of botox in the face, Fred Gwynne being the exception. The kids on the other hand, especially Gage, outshines the adults.

While we all know a toddler isn’t going to be the most amazing actor in the world, Miko Hughes was a bad ass in Pet Sematary. That little voice simultaneously terrified me and made me sad. Having a child his age, this movie bothered me. The supernatural aspect of this movie did little to chill my bones, but the knowledge that something that devastating can happen in the blink of an eye ran a cold chill up my back.

As you’d expect, one of those damn trucks got little Gage and Louis couldn’t take it, even though he knew the consequences. In exhuming his son’s body and burying it in the OTHER cemetery, he insured the death of his neighbor and his wife. Gage comes back just as cute but considerably more murderous than he was before. Louis has to take out his zombie cat and zombie kid with shots of morphine.

Gage’s second death was worse than the first one. It was truly hard to watch. Louis then decides, like the goddamn idiot he is, that his mistake was waiting for too long to bury the dead in that special cemetery. Since Rachel just died, she’s sure to come back normal right? Dumbass.

Rachel comes back alright and the screen cuts to black as Louis screams. Serves him right. The best part of this movie is the end credits. The Ramones provided the song “Pet Sematary” for the credits and it was my favorite part. Let’s just loop that song for an hour and a half and I would have felt better about it.

Out of the few other Stephen King movies I’ve seen, I could have happily done without this one. Maybe if I was childless or less critical I would have enjoyed it more. But since neither is the case, I could honestly give or take this movie. One thing seems to be a noticeable trend with King movies though…Stephen King hates kids. I just saw the new IT this past weekend and that just solidified my suspicions. Okay, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t really hate kids but he has no problems effing them up in his books.

Maybe next time I’ll watch something that doesn’t focus on kids getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop, like Misery. Like “Late to the Party?” Check out some of our most recent ones like Alien or The Shining.

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Movies

‘The Strangers’ Invaded Coachella in Instagramable PR Stunt

Published

14 hours ago

April 17, 2024

Timothy Rawles

Renny Harlin’s reboot of The Strangers isn’t coming out until May 17, but those murderous home invaders are making a pit stop at Coachella first.

In the latest Instagramable PR stunt, the studio behind the film decided to have the trio of masked intruders crash Coachella, a music festival that takes place for two weekends in Southern California.

This type of publicity began when Paramount did the same thing with their horror movie Smile in 2022. Their version had seemingly ordinary people in populated places look directly into a camera with an evil grin.

Harlin’s reboot is actually a trilogy with a more expansive world than that of the original.

“When setting out to remake The Strangers, we felt there was a bigger story to be told, which could be as powerful, chilling, and terrifying as the original and could really expand that world,” said producer Courtney Solomon. “Shooting this story as a trilogy allows us to create a hyperreal and terrifying character study. We’re fortunate to be joining forces with Madelaine Petsch, an amazing talent whose character is the driving force of this story.”

The movie follows a young couple (Madelaine Petsch and Froy Gutierrez) who “after their car breaks down in an eerie small town, are forced to spend the night in a remote cabin. Panic ensues as they are terrorized by three masked strangers who strike with no mercy and seemingly no motive in The Strangers: Chapter 1 the chilling first entry of this upcoming horror feature film series.”

The Strangers: Chapter 1 opens in theaters on May 17.

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Movies

‘Alien’ Returning to Theaters For a Limited Time

Published

15 hours ago

April 17, 2024

Timothy Rawles

It’s been 45 years since Ridley Scott’s Alien hit theaters and in celebration of that milestone, it is headed back to the big screen for a limited time. And what better day to do that than Alien Day on April 26?

It also works as a primer for the upcoming Fede Alvarez sequel Alien: Romulus opening on August 16. A special feature in which both Alvarez and Scott discuss the original sci-fi classic will be shown as a part of your theater admission. Take a look at the preview of that conversation below.

^{Fede Alvarez and Ridley Scott}

Back in 1979, the original trailer for Alien was kind of terrifying. Imagine sitting in front of a CRT TV (Cathode Ray Tube) at night and suddenly Jerry Goldsmith’s haunting score begins to play as a giant chicken egg starts to crack with beams of light bursting through the shell and the word “Alien” slowly forms in slanted all caps across the screen. To a twelve-year-old, it was a scary pre-bedtime experience, especially Goldsmith’s screaming electronic musical flourishes playing over scenes of the actual movie. Let the “Is it horror or sci-fi?” debate begin.

Alien became a pop culture phenomenon, complete with kid’s toys, a graphic novel, and an Academy Award for Best Visual Effects. It also inspired dioramas in wax museums and even a frightening setpiece at Walt Disney World in the now-defunct Great Movie Ride attraction.

_{Great Movie Ride}

The film stars Sigourney Weaver, Tom Skerritt, and John Hurt. It tells the tale of a futuristic crew of blue-collar workers suddenly awakened out of stasis to investigate an undecipherable distress signal coming from a nearby moon. They investigate the source of the signal and discover it’s a warning and not a cry for help. Unbeknownst to the crew, they have brought a giant space creature back on board which they find out in one of the most iconic scenes in cinema history.

It is said that Alvarez’s sequel will pay homage to the original film’s storytelling and set design.

_{Alien Romulus}

^{Alien (1979)}

The Alien theatrical re-release will take place on April 26. Pre-order your tickets and find out where Alien will screen at a theater near you.

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News

Home Depot’s 12-Foot Skeleton Returns with a New Friend, Plus New Life-Size Prop from Spirit Halloween

Published

17 hours ago

April 17, 2024

Cameron McFarland

Halloween is the greatest holiday of them all. However, every great holiday needs amazing props to go with it. Luckily for you, there are two new amazing props that have been released, which are sure to impress your neighbors and frighten any neighborhood children who are unfortunate enough to wander past your yard.

The first entry is the return of the Home Depot 12-foot skeleton prop. Home Depot has outdone themselves in the past. But this year the company is bringing bigger and better things to their Halloween prop lineup.

This year, the company unveiled its new and improved Skelly. But what is a giant skeleton without a loyal friend? Home Depot has also announced that they will release a five-foot tall skeleton dog prop to eternally keep Skelly company as he haunts your yard this spooky season.

This bony pooch will be five feet tall and seven feet long. The prop will also feature a posable mouth and LCD eyes with eight variable settings. Lance Allen, Home Depot’s merchant of decorative Holliday gear, had the following to say about this year’s lineup.

“This year we increased our realism within the animatronics category, created some impressive, licensed characters and even brought back some fan favorites. Overall, we are most proud of the quality and value we are able to bring to our customers with these pieces so they can continue to grow their collections.”

But what if giant skeletons just aren’t your thing? Well, Spirit Halloween has you covered with their giant life size Terror Dog replica. This massive prop has been ripped out of your nightmares to appear frighteningly on your lawn.

This prop weighs in at almost fifty pounds and features glowing red eyes that are sure to keep your yard safe from any toilet paper throwing hooligans. This iconic Ghostbusters nightmare is a must have for any fan of 80s horror. Or, anyone who loves all things spooky.