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‘Kong: Skull Island’: Not Your Grandma’s Monster Movie

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Kong is back. And lucky for us, he’s mad as hell!

King Kong never seems to get the respect he deserves, even as his corporeal supernatural body stands buildings-above his distant cousins on the evolutionary chart, he still tumbles off skyscrapers, gets his heart broken by human females and swats at the intruding flying nuisances of the modern age.

It always seems sad that this beast is often bullied even though it should be the other way around.

Kong: Skull Island fixes all of that. Not only is Kong in serious need of anger management, his rage exposed through reproving snarls and bared fangs wreaks havoc on anyone or anything he feels a threat.

Skull Island begins and remains in the early 1970’s: the “me” decade: A time when America was just coming out of a confusing war where the country was divided maybe even moreso than it is now.

Back then, soldiers, drafted into uncertainty, explored distant lands and different cultures if only to extinguish them in the name of freedom.

This subtlety is not lost in Kong: Skull Island, in fact it’s front and center through on-location shooting and a stellar soundtrack of anti-war songs available on a curated oldies playlist somewhere.

“Kong’s” dot-to-dot plot isn’t really important here; you’ve seen and heard it all before. A crack team of men (and a woman) are tasked with exploring an uncharted land. The fashion in which they get there is time well spent developing characters. But not by much.

That brevity means it doesn’t take long before we get to the outskirts of Skull Island which is surrounded by an ever-present disruptive electrical storm system.

Enter Preston Packard (Samuel L. Jackson), a military squad leader who commands a fleet of helicopters.

He’s cocksure, with tenets of leadership forged from the madness of conflict. He’s seen the savagery of war, and since he survived thus far, he appears ready for another. He gets one.

To reveal any of the massive showstopping special effects and setpieces would be cause for you the reader to revoke my critic card. And I wouldn’t blame you.

They are spectacular and so frequent that the upgrade on your refillable popcorn is a waste of money because you won’t want to leave your seat.

After a harrowing and rivet-rattling formation flight through the center of the storm, the expedition can finally start exploring the island’s landscape once they all land.

The extraneous military flight team remains airborne and begins to drop seismic bombs; it’s all a part of the exercise, but the blasts draw the attention of Kong who confronts them on their aerial level.

In one of the most terrifying action sequences I have seen in a long time, Kong tears through the squadron with everything he’s got.

Camera angles and perspectives from both inside and out of the copters is sobering. Human life is treated like a swarm of mosquitoes as Kong tries to rout the incoming strangers.

Kong isn’t about edifying any of his actions, that’s left to the audience.

The special effects here are top-notch and the next sequence more wonderful than the last.

Director Jordan Vogt-Roberts and the geniuses at Industrial Light and Magic work cinematic miracles in their rendered affectations.

Which brings us to the team, what’s left of them. They are left scattered around Skull Island, and must try to rendezvous with each other and an incoming rescue operative.

Meanwhile Jackson has no consternation even after the helicopter standoff and suddenly holds a grudge against the giant ape on an Ahabian scale.

Each stranded group faces their own monsters on the island, and that’s where I will stop and leave it to you to discover this rollercoaster ride.

One thing Kong: Skull Island has done away with, is the odd romance between beauty and the beast.

Mason Weaver (Brie Larson) is the documentarian and only woman on the expedition, but forget any weird bestiality angst in Kong: Skull Island, the meet-cute is where it ends.

Kong: Skull Island is a terrifying film. With enough true terror and unexpected savagery that the twist is the PG-13 rating: you are definitely treated to a soft R. That is unless things have really changed at the cineplex and I’m an old curmudgeon.

Some scenes are so graphic, I think the MPAA may have been watching the 1976 version instead.

That said, this movie is a non-stop action thriller with glorious movement and very effective and expensive jump-scares.

The finale is so spectacular that I could see the audiences heads move collectively behind their 3-D glasses as the action permeated the screen.

Not a perfect movie, if your’re looking for unrequited romance under waterfalls or character development in-between action sequences.

But if it’s Kong on a rampage, and a variety of abundant and truly intense scares you want, Kong: Skull Island is definitely a place you want to visit. Bring bananas and bug spray.

And stay in your seat until the end of the credits for a special surprise.

Kong: Skull Island opens nationwide on Friday, March 10.

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Another Creepy Spider Movie Hits Shudder This Month

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Good spider films are a theme this year. First, we had Sting and then there was Infested. The former is still in theaters and the latter is coming to Shudder starting April 26.

Infested has been getting some good reviews. People are saying that it’s not only a great creature feature but also a social commentary on racism in France.

According to IMDb: Writer/director Sébastien Vanicek was looking for ideas around the discrimination faced by black and Arab-looking people in France, and that led him to spiders, which are rarely welcome in homes; whenever they’re spotted, they’re swatted. As everyone in the story (people and spiders) is treated like vermin by society, the title came to him naturally.

Shudder has become the gold standard for streaming horror content. Since 2016, the service has been offering fans an expansive library of genre movies. in 2017, they began to stream exclusive content.

Since then Shudder has become a powerhouse in the film festival circuit, buying distribution rights to movies, or just producing some of their own. Just like Netflix, they give a film a short theatrical run before adding it to their library exclusively for subscribers.

Late Night With the Devil is a great example. It was released theatrically on March 22 and will begin streaming on the platform starting April 19.

While not getting the same buzz as Late Night, Infested is a festival favorite and many have said if you suffer from arachnophobia, you might want to take heed before watching it.

Infested

According to the synopsis, our main character, Kalib is turning 30 and dealing with some family issues. “He’s fighting with his sister over an inheritance and has cut ties with his best friend. Fascinated by exotic animals, he finds a venomous spider in a shop and brings it back to his apartment. It only takes a moment for the spider to escape and reproduce, turning the whole building into a dreadful web trap. The only option for Kaleb and his friends is to find a way out and survive.”

The film will be available to watch on Shudder starting April 26.

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Part Concert, Part Horror Movie M. Night Shyamalan’s ‘Trap’ Trailer Released

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In true Shyamalan form, he sets his film Trap inside a social situation where we aren’t sure what is going on. Hopefully, there is a twist at the end. Furthermore, we hope it’s better than the one in his divisive 2021 movie Old.

The trailer seemingly gives away a lot, but, as in the past, you can’t rely on his trailers because they are often red herrings and you are being gaslit to think a certain way. For instance, his movie Knock at the Cabin was completely different than what the trailer implied and if you hadn’t read the book on which the film is based it was still like going in blind.

The plot for Trap is being dubbed an “experience” and we aren’t quite sure what that means. If we were to guess based on the trailer, it’s a concert movie wrapped around a horror mystery. There are original songs performed by Saleka, who plays Lady Raven, a kind of Taylor Swift/Lady Gaga hybrid. They have even set up a Lady Raven website to further the illusion.

Here is the fresh trailer:

According to the synopsis, a father takes his daughter to one of Lady Raven’s jam-packed concerts, “where they realize they’re at the center of a dark and sinister event.”

Written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan, Trap stars Josh Hartnett, Ariel Donoghue, Saleka Shyamalan, Hayley Mills and Allison Pill. The film is produced by Ashwin Rajan, Marc Bienstock and M. Night Shyamalan. The executive producer is Steven Schneider.

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Woman Brings Corpse Into Bank To Sign Loan Papers

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Warning: This is a disturbing story.

You have to be pretty desperate for money to do what this Brazilian woman did at the bank to get a loan. She wheeled in a fresh corpse to endorse the contract and she seemingly thought the bank employees wouldn’t notice. They did.

This weird and disturbing story comes via ScreenGeek an entertainment digital publication. They write that a woman identified as Erika de Souza Vieira Nunes pushed a man she identified as her uncle into the bank pleading with him to sign loan papers for $3,400. 

If you’re squeamish or easily triggered, be aware that the video captured of the situation is disturbing. 

Latin America’s largest commercial network, TV Globo, reported on the crime, and according to ScreenGeek this is what Nunes says in Portuguese during the attempted transaction. 

“Uncle, are you paying attention? You must sign [the loan contract]. If you don’t sign, there’s no way, as I cannot sign on your behalf!”

She then adds: “Sign so you can spare me further headaches; I can’t bear it any longer.” 

At first we thought this might be a hoax, but according to Brazilian police, the uncle, 68-year-old Paulo Roberto Braga had passed away earlier that day.

 “She attempted to feign his signature for the loan. He entered the bank already deceased,” Police Chief Fábio Luiz said in an interview with TV Globo. “Our priority is to continue investigating to identify other family members and gather more information regarding this loan.”

If convicted Nunes could be facing jail time on charges of fraud, embezzlement, and desecration of a corpse.

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