News

Let’s Face The Facts: The Easter Bunny is Truly Terrifying

Published

6 years ago

April 1, 2018

Easter is a beautiful time of year, signaling the beginning of spring and an end to the long dark winter. Days filled with extra sunshine, birds chirping, flowers blooming, and the dreaded arrival of the Easter Bunny.

Like many of you, I was introduced to the thought of a Rabbit delivering me some yummy candy at a very young age. Do you remember your very first visit to get an awkward mall photo with the Easter Bunny? Did you run up for a hug, or were you dragged to his lap, kicking and screaming?

Some of us were blessed with cute fluffy bunnies with rosy cheeks and a welcoming smile. Others had the unfortunate luck of being greeted by something similar to the monstrosity below.

I believe most people my age have a picture of themselves sitting on the lap of a horrifying creature like this. How our parents, or anyone in their right mind, would have thought this would be a good idea is beyond me. Imagine being little and staring up at a 6’ rabbit with giant hands, creepy eyes and sharp teeth!!!!

That won’t scar a kid for life at all.

via My Mother (Wasn’t I adorable? Apologies for having to view my brother’s pants)

Take another peek at the image above. Do you see it? Look closer (No, not at the pants, people. Look at the Rabbit).

See the big black sockets where the eyes should be. This is the portal to hell from which the Easter Bunny came. If you stare long enough you will be transported there, never to be seen again.

I taught my children early on to maintain minimal eye contact for their own protection. If only they had listened. God, I still miss little Timmy.

via Twitter

Lucky for us, kids can sense evil. That is why screams of terror can be heard resonating throughout every shopping mall in America this month.

You see, kids don’t actually want to see the Easter Bunny. Their parents want them to see the Easter Bunny. Children are smart enough to not trade their soul in exchange for some jelly beans.

Seriously, who eats that crap anyways? Plus, lets try not to think of where those eggs actually come from. It’s not like the Easter Bunny has a magic sack like Santa. You know there is only one logical place they can come from, right?

via Pic Sauce

Just to be sure of my theory, I took a quick survey at my local preschool. The general consensus was that kids are getting “sick of our shit” with the whole “Let’s go see the Easter Bunny” thing.

The children all swore that there would be retaliation in the form of a “special gift in our Huggies” for any parent forcing them to visit the bunny this year. I am serious people; listen to your little bundles of joy! Don’t you know the children are our future?

(Disclaimer: There was no actual survey; it was a preschool for Christ’s sake. I just love making stuff up. I can say, however, the teacher did not seem to like me at all. She kept saying stuff like “get out of here before I call the cops” and that “I am no longer permitted back in the school”. Then she was going on about how I was a “terrible person for frightening the small children”. I personally think she was overreacting.)

via The Horror Dome

Please parents, take this article as a public service. Do not subject your beautiful spawn to the dead-behind-the-eyes, razor-sharp teeth-having, child-devouring Easter Bunny. I am honestly surprised we don’t see colony of them driving around in white vans telling the kids they have candy and puppies.

Easter Bunnies are just fluffy balls of concentrated evil.

So please, make sure to get the kids some good candy this year. No more of this Peeps and Jelly Bean bullshit. Like, the good chocolate that you eat in the bathroom or closet while hiding from your kids so you don’t have to share.

(Fun Fact: A group of rabbits is called a colony or nest. There you go, getting a little free education from yours truly. You’re welcome.)

Did your kids love or hate the Easter Bunny? Did the bunny ever give you a bit of the creeps? Tell us in the comments below. While you are at it, let us know what candy you are hoping to find in your basket this year!

From the whole iHorror family, Happy Easter to you and yours!

Want to learn about the scariest Easter Bunny of all? Click Here for the pure nightmare fuel that is the Jesus Bunny from Holidays!

'Civil War' Review: Is It Worth Watching?

Click to comment

You must be logged in to post a comment Login

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Movies

Trailer for ‘The Exorcism’ Has Russell Crowe Possessed

Published

13 hours ago

April 25, 2024

Timothy Rawles

The latest exorcism movie is about to drop this summer. It’s aptly titled The Exorcism and it stars Academy Award winner turned B-movie savant Russell Crowe. The trailer dropped today and by the looks of it, we are getting a possession movie that takes place on a movie set.

Just like this year’s recent demon-in-media-space film Late Night With the Devil, The Exorcism happens during a production. Although the former takes place on a live network talk show, the latter is on an active sound stage. Hopefully, it won’t be entirely serious and we’ll get some meta chuckles out of it.

The film will open in theaters on June 7, but since Shudder also acquired it, it probably won’t be long after that until it finds a home on the streaming service.

Crowe plays, “Anthony Miller, a troubled actor who begins to unravel while shooting a supernatural horror film. His estranged daughter, Lee (Ryan Simpkins), wonders if he’s slipping back into his past addictions or if there’s something more sinister at play. The film also stars Sam Worthington, Chloe Bailey, Adam Goldberg and David Hyde Pierce.”

Crowe did see some success in last year’s The Pope’s Exorcist mostly because his character was so over-the-top and infused with such comical hubris it bordered on parody. We will see if that is the route actor-turned-director Joshua John Miller takes with The Exorcism.

'Civil War' Review: Is It Worth Watching?

News

Win a Stay at The Lizzie Borden House From Spirit Halloween

Published

15 hours ago

April 25, 2024

Timothy Rawles

Spirit Halloween has declared that this week marks the start of spooky season and to celebrate they are offering fans a chance to stay at the Lizzie Borden House with so many perks Lizzie herself would approve.

The Lizzie Borden House in Fall River, MA is claimed to be one of the most haunted houses in America. Of course one lucky winner and up to 12 of their friends will find out if the rumors are true if they win the grand prize: A private stay in the notorious house.

“We are delighted to work with Spirit Halloween to roll out the red carpet and offer the public a chance to win a one-of-a-kind experience at the infamous Lizzie Borden House, which also includes additional haunted experiences and merchandise,” said Lance Zaal, President & Founder of US Ghost Adventures.

Fans can enter to win by following Spirit Halloween‘s Instagram and leaving a comment on the contest post from now through April 28.

The prize also includes:

An exclusive guided house tour, including insider insight around the murder, the trial, and commonly reported hauntings

A late-night ghost tour, complete with professional ghost-hunting gear

A private breakfast in the Borden family dining room

A ghost hunting starter kit with two pieces of Ghost Daddy Ghost Hunting Gear and a lesson for two at US Ghost Adventures Ghost Hunting Course

The ultimate Lizzie Borden gift package, featuring an official hatchet, the Lizzie Borden board game, Lily the Haunted Doll, and America’s Most Haunted Volume II

Winner’s choice of a Ghost Tour experience in Salem or a True Crime experience in Boston for two

“Our Halfway to Halloween celebration provides fans an exhilarating taste of what’s to come this fall and empowers them to start planning for their favorite season as early as they please,” said Steven Silverstein, CEO of Spirit Halloween. “We have cultivated an incredible following of enthusiasts who embody the Halloween lifestyle, and we’re thrilled to bring the fun back to life.”

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Spirit Halloween (@spirithalloween)

Spirit Halloween is also preparing for their retail haunted houses. On Thursday, August 1 their flagship store in Egg Harbor Township, NJ. will officially open to start off the season. That event usually draws in hordes of people eager to see what new merch, animatronics, and exclusive IP goods will be trending this year.

'Civil War' Review: Is It Worth Watching?

Movies

’28 Years Later’ Trilogy Taking Shape With Serious Star Power

Published

16 hours ago

April 25, 2024

Timothy Rawles

Danny Boyle is revisiting his 28 Days Later universe with three new films. He will direct the first, 28 Years Later, with two more to follow. Deadline is reporting that sources say Jodie Comer, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, and Ralph Fiennes have been cast for the first entry, a sequel to the original. Details are being kept under wraps so we don’t know how or if the first original sequel 28 Weeks Later fits into the project.

**Jodie Comer, Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Ralph Fiennes**

Boyle will direct the first movie but it’s unclear which role he will take on in the subsequent films. What is known is Candyman (2021) director Nia DaCosta is scheduled to direct the second film in this trilogy and that the third will be filmed immediately afterward. Whether DaCosta will direct both is still unclear.

Alex Garland is writing the scripts. Garland is having a successful time at the box office right now. He wrote and directed the current action/thriller Civil War which was just knocked out of the theatrical top spot by Radio Silence’s Abigail.

There is no word yet on when, or where, 28 Years Later will start production.