Written by Shannon McGrew

I’ll be the first to admit, when it comes to kids, I’m not the biggest fan of them.  Sure, every once and awhile you find that one that’s the exception, but for the most part, they are quite a handful.  Whenever I find myself watching a horror film and the narrative immediately begins to insinuate that a child may be demonic or evil, it immediately reinforces why I don’t want to have children.  I mean, you have to admit, at times they can be scary and I’m not going to apologize for that because hello, have you seen THE OMEN?  These children of the night will stop at nothing when it comes to destroying every bit of joy and happiness that may dwell inside of you.

We are all familiar with the classic evil children from VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED and CHILDREN OF THE CORN, to the anti-Christ in ROSEMARY’S BABY, but I wanted to touch upon a few films that don’t get quite as much attention in the “killer children” genre as they should.  If you love the frightening notion of demonic spawns or child serial killers running amok, then these 5 HORROR FILMS THAT WILL MAKE YOU NEVER WANT TO HAVE KIDS will be right up your alley; who knows, it may even inspire you to want a family of your own.

THE GOOD SON (1993)

I love this film for so many reasons, but at the end of the day, it’s a chilling reminder that kids can be just as sadistic as adults.  For those not familiar with THE GOOD SON (and shame on you for not knowing about this movie!!) the film revolved around a young boy, played by Elijah Wood, who stays with his aunt and uncle and befriends his cousin, played by Macaulay Culkin, who starts to show horrifying signs of violent behavior.

This movie is so good, so so so good, and gives viewers incredible performances by both Elijah Wood and Macaulay Culkin.  It’s one of those rare films that still makes me feel uncomfortable after every time I watch it. We are so often presented with children that are either perfect angels or cute troublemakers that when we watch a film such as this, it’s almost like being thrown into a bathtub of cold water, especially because the film seems so realistic.  Though this movie came out 23 years ago, it still holds up to the test of time as being one of the best films that depicts the horrors that children are capable of.

JOSHUA (2007)

It’s been a few years since I’ve seen this film but as soon as I started researching it again it brought back memories of how f*cked up this movie really is.  Remember being an only child, how awesome it was to have the love and adoration from your parents?  Then came the talk, that mom was going to have another child and, if you were old enough like I was, you felt that twinge of jealousy.  Most, if not all of us, would learn to look past that, but not Joshua.  Not one bit.

JOSHUA centers around the Cairn family and the announcement of the arrival of a baby girl.  Joshua, who’s already proved to be an eccentric and unusual boy, starts to show more sinister motives.  This is a film that gets under your skin early on and never lets go.  It also does a great job of showing you how evil someone can be, regardless of age, One scene in particular that I was reminded of had to do with Joshua cutting up rats for dissection purposes.  When a kid starts to kill animals for his own enjoyment, that’s usually a giant red flag that things are not about to go well.

ORPHAN (2009)

Some could argue that this film shouldn’t be on the list due to the twist ending but I disagree.  I think this is a perfect example of why one should be careful when wanting to have a child.  As someone who loved the idea of adoption, this film ending up putting the fear of God in me.  I still would like to adopt someday, but I have a feeling this movie will always be in the back of my mind when that time comes.

ORPHAN centers around a husband and wife, played by Peter Sarsgaard and Vera Farminga, who decide to adopt a nine year-old girl.  The plot seems simple enough, however, there is more to this child than meets the eye.  As the truth begins to unfold, we come to find out that this child holds a very dark and deadly secret with severe consequences.  It’s a perfect example of how you can’t trust anything or anyone for fear of what they could be harboring deep within themselves.

SHELLEY (2016)

Oh, pregnancy.  There aren’t many things in life that I fear, but pregnancy, that’s one of them.  What a woman’s body goes through during those 9 months completely horrifies me.  Sure, people will tell you it’s all worth it, especially that first time you lay eyes on your newborn child, but as someone who hasn’t had children, I can’t see it that way.  Also, YOU JUST LITERALLY CARRIED A HUMAN BEING INSIDE YOUR BODY FOR 9 MONTH.  Think about that.  That’s terrifying.

Anyways, I digress.  SHELLEY, is a film that came out this year from Sweden that definitely made me not want to have a child.  The film centers around a couple unable to have a child who ask their Romanian maid if she would be a surrogate.  The maid agrees but as the pregnancy begins to develop, things don’t go as planned. The movie itself is a slow burn horror film but that doesn’t take away from how effective it is.  The acting is superb and the overall theme of the film is one of terror and panic, especially for our lead actress that is responsible for carrying this child.  In the end, the film takes the best aspects of THE OMEN and ROSEMARY’S BABY and gives us a Swedish masterpiece of horror and tension.

THE EYES OF MY MOTHER (2016)

One of my favorite films of 2016 is Nicolas Pesce’s THE EYES OF MY MOTHER.  It’s shot beautifully in black and white photography and it has some of the best acting that I’ve seen all year, especially by the incredibly talented Kika Magalhaes.  It’s a hearbreaking film of loss and neglect and one of the few films that has left me feeling empty and torn up on the inside.

The film centers around a young, lonely woman, who had to bear witness to the vicious murder of her mother at a very young age.  As she grew older, she begins to develop unhealthy obsessions towards attachment and love.  It’s a film that is incredibly difficult to watch and it’s unapologetic in its nature.  As someone who has lost a parent, I could feel the pain that the character felt in the film, but I couldn’t relate to how it distorted her views.  With her mother gone, she is left with her father who is distant and unemotional which results in her going to great lengths to find love and acceptance in the most unusual and terrifying ways.

I wanted to add this film to my list because it’s the only one here that shows an adult with childlike tendencies that have formed into such horrific obsessions.  It scares me to think that if I were to have a child and anything were to happen to me, that something like this could affect my child in such a chilling way.

Overall, there are probably hundreds of films that could easily show why having kids is scary as shit.  As for now, this is just my personal list so if you have any suggestions please let us know.  If there is one thing that I’ve learned in putting together my 5 HORROR FILMS THAT WILL MAKE YOU NEVER WANT TO HAVE KIDS is that this is an effective sub-genre in horror that clearly gets under my skin.